According to the BBC my native country England is under attack from an invasion of killer shrimp. The evil creature, officially known as Dikerogammarus Villosus, is described by the Environment Agency as being 'particularly vicious and destructive'. Apparently the nasty little buggers bite and shred their victims to death but often leave them uneaten.
The alien invader hordes were recently spotted in Grafham Water, a popular sailing lake in eastern England, but this did not deter 248 courageous Laser sailors from showing up last weekend at Grafham for the Laser Inland Championships. For these intrepid souls, racing in a Laser regatta is even worth the risk of being bitten and shredded to death.
So what is to be done? How can Britain fight back against the alien invaders? Where is a latter day Churchill to inspire the country to action with a speech vowing, "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender"?
That David Cameron bloke who is now Prime Minister seems a pleasant enough chap but I don't think he has the temperament to lead the nation against the onslaught of Dikerogammarus Villosus.
But, if it's any help Mr. Cameron, I did find this recipe online for Killer Shrimp Soup.
12 comments:
I love shrimp!!
There's a good deed to do this weekend - go shrimping!
Maybe add some chillies or curry paste to give that soup some kick, which is what you want for a chilly autumnal day.
The nation is looking to you for leadership JP. You could be the one to organize a strike force of anti-shrimp commandos and make a surprise counter-attack on the killer shrimp of Grafham Water. I can see it all now... I think they might get Mel Gibson to play you in the movie.
FREEDOM!!!
JP, brace yourself to your duties, and so cast your nets, that if you and your fellow shrimpers cast for a thousand years, men will still say, "This was their finest hour."
We after all have a noble tradition of Britain being saved by those "little ships" - sounds like its time for them to return and save the country again!
We shall eat them at beach partys, we shall picnic on them in the fields, we shall kebab the suckers on the grill, we shall go Gump on their asses, and we shall Never stop shrimping!
“Senator, I served with Bubba Gump, I knew Bubba Gump. Bubba Gump was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Bubba Gump"
I can see Grafham Water from my house.
Mr. CAMARON, eh?
Coincidence? Or is he ON THEIR SIDE????
(cue ominous music)
Bonnie could be right. Mr. Cameron may have already capitulated to his namesake crustaceans. In a speech on the BBC, he was encouraging Britons to forget about shrimp and to embrace "peas for our time".
... yeah, we beans there before, and we can meat this challenge!
So that is the choice we are give ... submit to mushy whirled peas ...
or soldier manfully against the spiny crustaceans.
Never, never, never give up the shrimp cocktail sauce! Remember, a shrimp can swim halfway across the bay before the truth can cast its nets!
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