Why is that when a friend or colleague returns from a couple of weeks' vacation (holiday for Britspeak readers), they are always obliged to report on their trip in the most glowing terms?
Fabulous mate. Best holiday I ever had. Superb weather for two weeks. Great food. Met lots of interesting people. Fantastic scenery. You really have to go there.
Is it because nobody ever wants to admit that they just blew five grand on a totally miserable experience? Or is it some subtle kind of one-upmanship to prove one's superior ability to discover the world's best vacation spots?
In any case, having announced my trip in advance, I feel obliged to report to regular readers on my return to Minorca Sailing for the first time in almost a quarter of a century. And if I were to observe the above-mentioned convention I would have to tell you that the weather was absolutely perfect for sailing; the instructors were competent, flexible and friendly; the bay and the village were almost unchanged in 25 years and were as peaceful and scenic as ever; the range of boats available was amazing; and that Tillerwoman and I had one of the best vacations ever.
But why should I stick to that boring convention? Hell this is my blog and I can write it any way I want. So here are...
The Top Ten Reasons Why My Two Weeks in Menorca Totally Sucked
1. One day it rained a bit while we were sailing. It was blowing 25 knots so we were all soaked through anyway but, hey, how dare god make it rain on my holiday?
2. Another day it rained a bit just as Tillerwoman and I were going into a restaurant for lunch. It stopped before we finished lunch. Ditto on the god comment.
3. Once I was just leaving the beach with a Laser when the pin attaching the vang to the mast came out. It took me all of two minutes to fix it.
4. Another time I death rolled a Laser. Must have been Minorca Sailing's fault of course.
5. At one restaurant I ordered sea bass with fennel for dinner but the waiter said it was off so I had to have sea bass with basil. Well yes it was excellent, but there's fennel growing wild all over the damn island so how can the fennel be off?
6. Another day at another restaurant I order the red mullet with black risotto and Menorcan cheese but the mullet was off and I had to have turbot. That's two times in fourteen days that the menu was wrong. How incredibly unprofessional.
7. One night there was a mosquito in our room.
8. Tillerwoman got up at 2:30 in the morning and started jumping up and down and waving a towel around to try and kill the mosquito. Tillerwoman was more annoying than the mosquito.
All right I admit it. It really was a great vacation. Dinghy sailing heaven. But keep it quiet. Just between us OK? Don't want everyone to find out about our secret.
To be continued...