Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Snowy Day Laser Sailor Blues

Bob Dylan sailing some boat that's not a Laser


Oh, the Tillerman writes his nonsense
Up and down his blog.
You'd ask him what the matter is
But you know he's such a dog.
Yet the sailors treat him kindly
And they all give him a break
But deep inside his heart
He knows he's just a fake.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Well Judy she's going to Mexico
With her hiking boots and her hats
Speaking to some Canadian
Who will teach her how to sail fast.
Maybe I should do a clinic
To learn those downwind moves
But I'm shoveling all this snow
And I'm running out of booze.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Meka tried to tell me
To stay away from the Clif Bars.
She said they're full of sugar
That will put inches on my arse.
And I said "Oh I didn't know that
But then again I don't know shit
About nutrition and diet and vitamins
And stuff that makes you fit."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Petey died last week
And now he's buried in the rocks
But everybody still talks about
How badly they were shocked.
But me, I expected it to happen
I knew he'd rile the nuts
When he fought to clean  the river
And make it safe for ducks.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Now the fleet captain came down here
Showing videos from his GoPro
Handing out free tickets
To the Providence Boat Show
And me, I nearly got convinced
And wouldn't he have sniffed
If I had spent thirteen thousand dollars
And bought that RS100 skiff?
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Now the horse he looked so baffled
When I asked him why he dressed
The ladies with their fishes
And nothing on their chests.
But he cursed me when I proved it to him
Then I whispered, "Not even you can hide
You see, you're just like me
I hope you're satisfied."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Now Doug, he gave me two cures
When he said, "Your sailing's such a shambles."
The one was hiking workouts
The other was sailing angles
And like a fool I mixed them
And it tangled up my mind
And now, my tacks just get uglier
And I have no sense of time.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Then Baydog says come see him
In his Barnegat lagoon
Where I can watch him sail for free
'Neath his New Jersey moon.
And I say, "Aw come on now
You know I sail a Laser,"
And he says, "You'd better sail a scow
And buy a fancy blazer."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Now the snow lays on Thames Street
Where the frostbite madmen quaff.
They tell their lies so perfectly
I really shouldn't scoff.
And here I sit so patiently
Waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to just once
Win a race in all this ice.
Oh, Mama, is this really the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Snow in Newport and nobody sailing a Laser

Apologies to Bob Dylan for mangling his lyrics.

And apologies also to JudyDougBaydogMeka Taulbeethe anonymous fleet captain of the MYC Sunfish FleetPete Seeger and Joe Rouse for taking their names in vain. And thanks to them for being good sports and teaching me so much about sailing and blogging and cooking and fitness and banjo playing and how to appreciate pictures of ladies in tiny bikinis holding big fishes.


9 comments:

Keep Reaching said...

Excellent !!

Whatever writer's block existed recently is completely and utterly vanished.

Tillerman said...

It's a good trick for beating write's block. It's called "plagiarism" I think.

O Docker said...

Only you could write a blues tune about Newport, traditional home to Rhode Island's destitute, disenfranchised, and down-and-out.

Buff Staysail said...

Good writers borrow, great writers steal

Judith Krimski said...

I'm excited I got into the second stanza. And no it's not too late to come to Mexico.

Tillerman said...

GAAAAAAAARGH!

meech said...

Nice snow bike. Who's is it? I don't have one myself so I'm x-country skiing.

Tillerman said...

I knew someone would ask that question eventually, meech. It is a nice bike isn't it?

It's not mine. I found the picture searching around on the Google for an image of Newport in the snow. This one was on the forum on a mountain bike review site called mtbr.com. There is a thread from this time last year called Show us some NE snow riding.

If you are into snow bikes there are some great pictures in that thread, including some excellent ones of Newport posted by the same guy who posted this one, "smithcreek."

PeconicPuffin said...

Very nice, Lord T!

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