Little Weed

When I was a little lad growing up in England in the early 1950's, one of my favorite TV programs was Bill & Ben The Flower Pot Men. This was in the classic days of television, before color ruined everything and things started going downhill all the way to Tom DeLay on Dancing With The Stars.

The real star of Flower Pot Men was, of course, not Bill or Ben, but the much more complex and interesting character Little Weed. I always had a soft spot for Little Weed. I don't know how she tolerated for so long those idiots Bill and Ben talking in that ridiculous Oddle Poddle language.

Perhaps my youthful fondness for Little Weed is responsible for my attitude to weeds now. At the side of my house for the last two years I have been cultivating an amazing garden of American native wildflowers. People come and look at it and say, "What are all those weeds doing there?" And I say, "Those are not weeds. That is my prized collection of American native wildflowers."

Some of my native wildflowers were growing wild in that patch when we bought the house; others are from a collection of wildflower seeds that I sowed; some are perennial wildflowers that I bought as plants. Some, I confess, are plants that I "liberated" from the vacant lot next door where they were growing wild. My collection is coming along very nicely.

Unfortunately some of my "American native wildflowers" spread more vigorously than others. At this point they become known technically as "weeds" and must be removed. So, on Sunday afternoon I went out to my American native wildflower garden to remove some weeds. I saw a little weed that needed to be removed. I leaned over slightly, grasped the little weed's stem and tugged gently...

Aaaaaargh. I felt a stabbing pain in my lower back and collapsed in agony. Felled by the little weed.

Three days later I am still in pain. This feels like exactly the same stupid injury that I did to myself two years ago while attempting the foolhardy and dangerous act called "putting my socks on". I wrote about it in Old.

I hate Little Weed.

Americans Invade Rhode Island

One of my favorite local runs is the loop around Nanaquaket Pond starting at Stone Bridge. There's something especially refreshing about running by the water and this run offers plenty of water views... of the northern end of the Sakonnet River and of Nanaquaket Pond, an almost-landlocked saltwater pond.

As I said, the run starts at Stone Bridge. Or at least it's where there used to be a stone bridge. Unfortunately, back in 1954 a hurricane came through here and demolished our stone bridge which connected Tiverton (on the mainland) to Aquidneck Island (aka Rhode Island just to confuse it with the colony and future state of the same name). Now, all that remains of the bridge are two stone piers.

Way, way back before anyone built a bridge here, there was a ferry crossing, known as Howland's Ferry, the site of an important event in the Revolutionary War. I'm sure you must have heard of it.

Anyway, back in the summer of 1778 the British were occupying Newport over on Aquidneck Island. I expect they were doing what tourists always do in Newport... hanging out at the beach, visiting the mansions, getting stoned in the bars on Thames Street etc. etc.

Meanwhile the Americans (aka the good guys) were camped in Tiverton doing whatever American soldiers do when they have too much time on their hands. On 9 August 1778 the brave General Sullivan led 11,000 American troops across the Sakonnet River at Howlands Ferry and marched to attack the dastardly British in Newport.

Unfortunately the aforementioned General Sullivan didn't have access to Accuweather and didn't know that a hurricane was about to hit the area. (What is it with this place and hurricanes? Did I make a wise decision to move here?)

The Americans were relying on the French fleet to land some more troops to help in their attack on Newport but the Frenchies got spooked by the hurricane and buggered off to Boston to mend their petits bateaux. In the ensuing Battle of Rhode Island (you must have heard of it) the British, with some unfair help from a few German Panzer Divisions, drove the Americans off Aquidneck and back to sunny Tiverton.

A completely unbiased local historian has written of the Battle of Rhode Island, "Even though the Americans totally failed to take the island, and were in full retreat when the battle occurred, it is often considered an American victory." Yeah right.

Where was I? Where am I? Oh yes, I was telling you about my run. But there is even more history on the rest of my route, so I will save that story for another day...

Shocking News

Anyone who follows sailing blogs is well aware of the mysterious hit-and-run commenter known only as "O Docker". He has been leaving comments all over the sailing blogosphere since bursting on to the scene in May last year with a comment on the EVK4 superblog fantasizing about the "lush life" he leads on the O Dock of Berkeley Marina. Since then his wisdom and wit have become legendary among readers of sailing blogs. I am convinced that the rise in popularity of my own blog in the last year has been driven totally by people who come here only to check out O Docker's brilliant, quirky comments.

In April of this year O Docker won the prestigious Sailing Blog Reader of the Year Award for his funny and provocative comments on various sailing blogs and his active participation in group writing projects.

Now the inscrutable O Docker has taken a bold new direction. He has started his own blog O Dock. Sailing bloggers are trembling in their Sperry Top-siders. How will we withstand the onslaught of the competition from this king of the keyboard, this professional punner, this doyen of the double entendre, this ace of alliteration?

Please do not read O Dock. It will be seriously addictive. You will embarrass yourself in the workplace by spitting coffee through your nose as you laugh at O Docker's jokes. Your spouse will become suspicious of your involuntary chuckles as you recall his witticisms. You will leap out of bed each morning as soon as you awake in order to see if O Docker has written another masterpiece of mischief. You will lose all interest in lesser blogs such as this one...

You have been warned.

Olympus Stylus 1050SW 10.1MP Digital Camera

An excellent example of the quality of photograph that can be achieved with the waterproof Olympus Stylus 1050SW 10.1MP Digital Camera. Note how well it captures the contrasting underwater and above water light, the variety of blues and greens, the slightly blurry look caused by the water and the bubbles...

Don't you agree?

Photo from Latitude 38 via Tim Zimmerman (Wetass) on Twitter.

Why I Didn't Sail the Laser Masters Worlds

I think I mentioned before that the reason I didn't sail in the 2009 Laser Masters Worlds in Nova Scotia earlier this month was that my second son had, quite astonishingly, failed to consult the International Laser Class Association website for the schedule of major Masters regattas before setting the date for his wedding!!!

So instead of drifting around St. Margaret's Bay a couple of weekends ago, clad in lycra and neoprene with a few hundred other old geezer Laser sailors waiting and waiting for wind to materialize and races to happen, quite fruitlessly as it turned out, I was....

... sitting at Guilford Yacht Club by Long Island Sound drinking a Dark and Stormy and having a laugh with my two favorite girls.

Yes, all was not lost. I brought my son up to be enough of a sailor to know that the best place for a wedding reception is a yacht club. And please note that, although I am not dressed in the aforementioned lycra and neoprene, I am wearing a very yachtie outfit of blue blazer and khakis.

Damn it. It may be a wedding but I am a sailor.

My two grandchildren (my other son's kids) Emily and Aidan were at the wedding, and of course they stole the show...


Emily was the flower girl. She had been told to walk very slowly down the aisle of the church... and she certainly complied. I was beginning to worry that the organist would run out of tunes before Emily completed her slooooow walk down the aisle, basking in the rapt attention of the congregation.



I think it was my job to keep Aidan occupied through the ceremony. I must have got distracted by something... perhaps my little guy making his wedding vows... and somehow Aidan escaped. Uh oh.


Talking of my son, here is a picture of the bridegroom. Yes this is the same kid from the Little Guy post a couple of weeks back. Cleaned up nicely didn't he?


And here is Aimee, my new daughter-in-law. Isn't she gorgeous?


And here is the happy couple together...


I think I see a keelboat in their future, maybe cruising to Block Island and the Vineyard, perhaps the Around Long Island Regatta in a few years? Who knows...

The Unreachable Bar

Susie Pegel (a real Laser sailor) sent me a number of suggestions for Laser sailing songs to help Sam Chapin build his fleet. Susie says that they used to sing a version of Impossible Dream. She didn't give me the words, so here are my suggested words. The tune is very similar to the completely unrelated song on this video...



To sail the interminable race
To beat the unbeatable foe
Knowing that I will feel tomorrow
A stabbing pain in my big toe

To sail while singing this song
To see that guy ahead and so far
To try when my arms are too weary
And I can't wait to get to the bar

This is my quest
To follow that guy
No matter how awful
The burn in my thigh

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to bang the corner
Why? Well, just because

And I know that it's probably true
When the wind's from the west
That guy will pick the shifts like a charm
And once more I'll lose the contest

And the club will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still staggered with his last couple of dollars
To reach the unreachable bar

I Got Blisters On My Fingers!

Here is my first Laser sailing song in response to Sam Chapin's request to write a Laser sailing song. Somehow this is supposed to help him build his fleet?

To be sung to the same tune as a very similar song by the Beatles called Helter Skelter.





When I get to the bottom I go back to the top where I crash
And I tack and I turn and then I go for a splash
'Til I get to the bottom and I see you again, yeh, yeh yeh

Do you, don't you want me to cross you
I'm coming on fast, and I'm going to pass you
Tell me, tell me, tell me, c'mon tell me it right
Well you may be a sailor but you ain't no Scheidt.

Now Laser Sailor, Laser Sailor, Laser Sailor, yeah ...

a-Will you, won't you want me to beat you
I'm coming on fast, but don't let me cheat you
Tell me, tell me, tell me again
You may have a Laser but you ain't no Ben.

Look out!
Laser Sailor, Laser Sailor, Laser Sailor, oooh...
Look out, 'cause here I come ...

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top where I crash
And I tack and I turn and then I go for a splash
'Til I get to the bottom and I see you again, yeh, yeh yeh

Do you, don't you want me to cross you
I'm coming on fast, and I'm going to pass you
Tell me, tell me tell me, c'mon tell me it right
Well you may be a sailor but you ain't no Scheidt.

Look out!
Laser Sailor, Laser Sailor, Laser Sailor

Look out! Laser Sailor ... I'm coming down fast
yes he is
yes he is
coming down fast
oh now Laser Sailor ... woo hooo


(yelled)
I got blisters on my fingers!


Watch this space for possibly more Laser sailing songs. You have been warned.

Laser Sailing Song

Sam Chapin over at How to Sail the Laser has suggested as a Laser fleet-building idea that we should "write a Laser sailing song."

Hmmm. Now there's a thought.

Anyone want to have a go at writing a Laser sailing song?

Or failing that, any suggestions for a song that I could write a parody of and turn it into the official Laser sailing song?

Small World

I received an email this morning with a surprising connection and an interesting suggestion...

• It was from a reader of this blog who wrote to me some time ago with a question that gave me fodder for a couple of posts here.
  
  
• It turns out that his father and uncle went to school with me.
  
  
• He lives in Japan and is going to the 2010 Asia Pacific Laser Masters in Thailand next March and suggested that I should go too.

Hmmm. That's a thought. Anybody else out there thinking of going? Anyone know what it's like sailing at the Royal Varuna Yacht Club? Any advice on tourism in Thailand generally?

Now let's see if this idea involves more hours sitting in planes than sitting on a Laser...

Won't Get Fooled Again