Thursday, August 17, 2006

Olympic Urine Test

The US Sailing Team is currently in China at The Good Luck Beijing - 2006 Qingdao International Regatta. This is the first of two Olympic test sailing events being held in Qingdao the site for the Olympic Sailing Regatta in 2008.

American Laser sailor Andrew Campbell is with the team and wrote up his first impressions of China on his blog, CampbellSailing.com. He reports that there is very little breeze and that the heat and humidity are "miserable". Clearly concerned about dehydration, the US Team trainers passed out a chart for all the sailors to check that their pee was the right color.

Andrew didn't include a picture of this chart in his post but I am pleased to report that Tillerman's spy in the US team training camp has secured a copy of the official "US AILING Urine Color Chart".

So here it is... breaking inside news of US Olympic sailing secrets exclusive to Proper Course....



If your urine is this color you are well hydrated. Go out and sail your Laser for 8 hours in 90 degrees and 3 knots. Have fun!










You are partially dehydrated. Lie down in an air-conditioned room for 2 hours and drink a gallon of water. Then go sailing for 2 hours and take plenty of drinking water with you. Be careful.










Don't think I don't know about those two crates of Tsingtao beer in your dorm room. If you persist in such self-abusive behavior you are in danger of losing your slot on the team. You are confined to base until further notice. PS I also confiscated the tequila.










See the team doctor immediately.















Unfortunately Klingons are not eligible to be selected for the US Olympic team. Please submit Form Q-403 Fast Track Naturalization for Potential Gold Medal Winners to the Department of Homeland Security Citizenship and Immigration Service.


13 comments:

seadated said...

Hey coach, what do I do if it glows?!

Tillerman said...

If it glows, stay away from me. I always knew it wasn't a good idea to allow them to build that nuclear power plant on the Chesapeake.

Carol Anne said...

What, glowing is a problem? In Los Alamos, where I grew up, it always glowed.

Tillerman said...

You guys are scaring me.

Pat said...

Glow for it! Just don't miss.

EVK4 said...

What if the sailor ate asparagus? How would that show up?

Excellent chart, I'm pinning it up in Lady Bug's head to keep my crew off of the Clear.

Tillerman said...

My spy on the US AILING Team Urine Testing Squad reports that asparagus caused a skunk-like odor in the urine of about 50% of the athletes who ate it. The squad is now working on a smell-o-vision chart to enable the sailors to perform their own deaspargusation tests.

frankie said...

You guys are hilarious!!! Thank you so much for the laugh!

Fuff said...

I had asparagus last night. I always think of stinky wee whenever I eat it.

Tillerman said...

Well done fuff. Apparently the gene associated with asparagus stinky wee is also linked to high intelligence.

AdriftAtSea said...

I am worried...and wondering how Tillerman got a hold of Klingon urine... Hmm... very worried.

Tillerman said...

You shouldn't be surprised Dan. According to the US government I am an alien and even have a card to prove it.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, regarding the Chesapeake Bay, we were warned the other day not to get in the water at Sandy Point, a popular launching and swimming spot close to the Bay Bridge. No, the water wasn't glowing but certain bacteria were having a field(?)day

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