Friday, October 19, 2012

Unsolicited Email

I am a bad person.

Sometimes I have fun when I get those unsolicited phone calls selling products I don't need or requesting contributions to sketchy charities that I have never heard of. I string the callers along for a while while gently taking the piss out of them.

I am sure all my fellow bloggers get emails like this from time to time...

I have been working for a while on Storylane, a product that I believe a blog owner like you will appreciate.  
Storylane works like a blogging platform but is social from the ground up. Your content can be categorized by you and then discovered by our fast growing community. Storylane can breath new life into the content you created for your old blog and hopefully connect you with people, places, and ideas that can add value and meaning to your life. 
Would you like to give us a try? join us here and add a story or two (feel free to use stories that are already on your blog)  
Jonathan Gheller
CEO Storylane 

Usually I just ignore them but I couldn't resist replying to this one, as follows...

Thanks for the invitation to join your Storylane product but I am not sure I want to be "social from the ground up." Mine is a sailing blog and so I really want to be social from the water up.  
And I am somewhat concerned by your threat that Storylane can breath new life into the content I created for my old blog. Most of the content on my "old blog" has been dead for years and I think it might get a little shocked if it was brought back to life all of a sudden. It might even get a Jesus complex.  
And speaking for myself I really don't want to connect with people, places, and ideas that can add value and meaning to my life. I have spent 64 years on this earth searching for the meaning of life and I am pretty sure that I've found it with the family and friends I now have, with the place where I now live, and with the ideas I now have. I don't think I could stand any more meaning and value in my life from connecting with Peruvian fire-eating evangelicals or plumbers from Azerbaijan who believe in trickle-down economics, say.  
CEO Proper Course

I really am a bad person.


Baydog said...

I just got the same email. I don't have nearly as much energy today to reply as you did, but with your permission, I'd like to copy and paste yours, changing just a few words so as to protect the author.

Tillerman said...

Knock yourself out.

Baydog said...

Nah, that comes later

R said...

Have you considered the value of ponies as a barter item like Ken at Popehat?

Tillerman said...

Wow R. Thanks for that link. I had never even heard of Popehat before. Or their ponies.

I have just spent a happy half hour browsing all the fascinating stuff at Popehat. I will definitely ask for a pony deal next time I receive an unsolicited request from someone wanting to use my bog for their own commercial advantage.

Tillerman said...

Blog not bog.

On second thoughts...

O Docker said...

"...someone wanting to use my blog for their own commercial advantage..."

What a cynical, un-American viewpoint.

The person who contacted you is a CEO.

Don't you realize that hardworking CEO's are primarily interested in creating jobs for our hurting economy? If they happen to realize some commercial gain in the course of doing that, it's something that can't be helped.

I recently left the newspaper industry and I can tell you that newspaper executives and CEO's are more concerned with creating jobs than anything else. Don't believe this nonsense about downsizing and outsourcing. No American CEO goes to sleep at night without lying awake, trying to think off new ways to add more people to the payroll. Making profits is the last thing that concerns them.

Anything, including this blogpost, that hinders CEO's in their unending quest to create jobs is unconscionable at such a delicate time in our history.

Marc, former Oracle bowman said...

Dear Mr. Tillerman,

As a guy who was thrown off the boat by the Shogun, I think you can appreciate why it's time to move away from Oracle. Do you want to sell more effectively with better sales tracking and real-time visibility. With Salesforce, every step of a sale—from phone calls and emails to collaboration with colleagues—is tracked in one place, so reps stay on top of deals and build stronger relationships with their customers. That means more money in your pocket so you can grow Proper Course to become the dominate player in the industry. Crush your competitors like the horse's mouth, Earwigoagin, 829 Southdrive and the other elites into the dust!

And with real-time analytics, you can make smarter business decisions and get higher close rates. The average customer experiences:

Over a 29% increase in sales
Over a 34% increase in sales productivity
Over a 42% increase in forecast accuracy

Watch a demo to see Salesforce’s sales tracking, forecasting abilities, point-and-click customization, real-time analytics, instant collaboration, and more.

Thanks for your time,
Marc Benioff
Chairman & CEO

Keep Reaching said...

You obviously take inspiration from Tom Mabe. In case you haven't heard his brilliant response to telemarketers - check it out at

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