Thursday, November 08, 2012

Movie Review - Hide Away

A lot of my readers have cruising boats and/or enjoy reading blogs by people who own cruising boats. I don't often review movies here, but I have to report that I have found the perfect movie for all of you aformentioned readers.

It's called Hide Away.

No, no, no. Not Hideaway, the 1995 horror movie starring Jeff Goldblum. I am talking about Hide Away, the 2011 movie starring Josh Lucas which was originally titled A Year in Mooring.

I know you are going to like it because it reminds me of every cruising boat blog I have ever read. Without giving away too much of the plot (on second thoughts I am actually about to reveal about 95% of the plot) the movie has all the exciting action-packed adventures that you love to read about on your cruising blogs including...

  • fixing the bilge pump
  • fixing the head (complete with shit explosion)
  • fixing the shower
  • fixing the engine
  • sanding the decks
  • staining the decks
  • mending the sail

As if that isn't enough of the thrilling stuff that fascinates all you cruising blog followers, the emotional climax of the movie that brought a lump to my throat was when one of the characters actually made a Flemish coil.


What could be better?

It sent a thrill up my leg.

I almost thought I was reading O Docker's blog, it was that good.

I won't reveal the end of the movie, but I don't think I'm giving anything anyway when I tell you that with all that boat maintenance, our hero doesn't get to do any actual sailing for most of the film. In fact his boat doesn't leave the frigging dock for most of the movie. Isn't that just like most cruising boat blogs?

Of course not everyone appreciates the charm and attraction of boat maintenance in a (not very) exotic location.

One reviewer on Netflix said....

This is about the most boring movie I've seen in a very long time. I rented it because of Josh Lucas, but omg, the music was boring, the reason for his disappearance from life was totally predictable, and I just thank goodness that it wasn't longer! 

And the New York Times described it as "a ponderous piece of allegorical kitsch about grief and healing." But then those liberal elite media types never did understand the joys of fixing a bilge pump.

So if you love cruising boat blogs, watch this movie. You won't be disappointed.


Baydog said...

PFDs are mandatory.

O Docker said...

Tillerman, you just don't get it.

Owning a cruising boat isn't about sailing, it's about owning a cruising boat.

It's a very Zen thing. One explores the question of whether owning the boat is a means to an end or the end itself. Does it lead to happiness or is it the very embodiment of happiness?

If you just want to go sailing, you can do that on any simple boat. You could get a Laser and a drysuit and a thermal cap and thermal gloves and thermal socks and thermal underwear and just go sailing.

But a cruising boat is about managing systems - and about the profound exploration of one's soul that that implies.

For example, in your simple universe, you probably imagine that taking the slack out of one's steering system is a simple matter of adjustment.

You have not discovered a cosmos of chains and pulleys and cables and quadrants. Of tensioning bolts and locknuts. You have not imagined the yoga position one must experience to reach those bolts and locknuts.

What is the sound of one thread stripping?

You have not known the joy of solving the enigma of where to put the folding bicycles that lie between you and the bolts and locknuts of bliss.

If this all sounds like mindless babble to you, that is because you have not yet risen to the level of spiritual awareness that is known only to those who own cruising boats.

Adam Turinas said...

This sounds about a good a movie as I could Imagine. I will rent it immediately.

I hear that Lionsgate is making a movie about laser sailing. Well, I say movie but it's actually only 30 seconds long and has some geezer going back and forth in a little plastic boat, worrying about something slightly technical. There isn't much of a plot but I am sure it will be gripping.

Tillerman said...

O Docker, have you seen this movie? You have explained it so much better than I can. The movie is of course about how a man can save his soul through boat maintenance. It's really about renewal and redemption through sandpaper. I didn't mention it but the hero also does a lot of drinking which, I understand, it is what often happens when you are searching for the "bolts and locknuts of bliss" on one of those boats you can sleep and poop on.

There are also bagpipes. One character even says, "Bagpipes can save a man's soul." Perhaps that is the real message? Is the ultimate level of spiritual awareness reached through playing bagpipes or playing with the bilge pump?

Tillerman said...

Excellent Adam. That sounds like a must-see movie. Is there any sex in it? I forget to mention that there is some sex in Hide Away.

splinter said...

Oh, no good for cruisers then - the whole point of owning a cruiser (or any old boat) is to avoid any chance of this interfering with 'being busy fixing stuff'.

Tillerman said...

I think you would like Hide Away, splinter. The hero is pretty much "busy fixing stuff" the whole movie.

Even the sex scene isn't really an interruption. I think it was only meant as a metaphor for the ecstatic joy the hero feels when he finally figures out that the reason his engine won't start is that his fuel line was blocked. The moment when his engine is throbbing and he sees the cooling water spurting from the exhaust was one of the most intense scenes in the movie.

George A said...

Some guys that build boats are very much in the same mind set: they constantly work on the boat but never actually launch and go sail the thing. If the finish line for building gets a little too close for comfort, they "discover" a flaw in the previously completed parts which means that the bow or stern or coach roof needs to be torn off so that this flaw can be properly exorcised. That of course resets the launch clock back to zero. I've come to understand that some boat builds are sort of like the paint job on the bay bridge--by the time the painter gets to the last part, the first part is rusty...

spinter said...

Good job they had the Flemish coil by the sound of it....

Adam Turinas said...

No sex TMan. The movie is too short and it's clear that lead character does everything solo

Tillerman said...

Hide Away is quite a short movie too. It just seems a lot longer than it really is.

Adam Turinas said...

Why do I feel that Benny Hill is creeping into this conversation.

Tillerman said...

OMG. I just got spinter's Flemish coil joke. BWAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Mmmm. I'm Flemish (and a Laser owner/sailer) but never heard about a 'Flemish coil'. Ona second thought Laser sailors do not often make'm this way ;-)

Tillerman said...

No hoist0, Laser sailors don't have much use for such fripperies. Flemish coils are one of those things that only cruising boat sailors get all misty-eyed about.

Some of the symbolism in the movie went over my head but I think the making of the Flemish coil was meant to be a signal that our hero had finally come through the long dark journey of his tormented struggles with the male side of his persona as symbolized by the battles with the bilge pump and frying sausages for breakfast, and was now able to get into touch with the female side of his character and enjoy the finer things of life like sewing a sail.

Tweezerman said...

Hmm...Sounds like a candidate for treatment by the two robots and human from Mystery Science Theater 3000 (if only that show was still around!)

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