Castello Scaligero Malcesine - Quiz

Tillerwoman and I are currently staying in Malcesine on Lake Garda in Italy.

That's Malcesine in the foreground in the picture. The prominent castle is the Castello Scaligero. It's been there an awful long time.

I am sailing in a little RS Aero regatta on the lake later in the week, but on Wednesday I did some husbandly sightseeing things with Tillerwoman.

In the afternoon we climbed to the top of the tower at the castle.



We are staying in a hotel on the lakefront a little further up the lake.

Captain JP of the eponymous Captain JP's Log suggested that we have a quiz about what Tillerwoman had for dinner.

OK.



What did Tillerwoman have for dessert at dinner on Wednesday this week, and what did she have to drink with it?

Clue #1: The dessert was green.

Clue #2: The drink was clear.

Blame Captain JP.

Reasons to go to 2017 Laser Masters Worlds - #2 Pie Floaters

Doesn't that look delicious?

It does indeed.

But what is it, Tillerman?

That, my friend is a "pie floater."



According to Wikipedia (which is never wrong) the pie floater is an Australian dish particularly common in Adelaide. It commonly consists of a traditional Australian-style meat pie, usually sitting, but sometimes submerged (sometimes upside down) in a bowl of thick pea soup. It is usually garnished with tomato sauce.

Apparently Anthony Bourdain, Billy Connolly and Joe Cocker are high profile fans of the pie floater.

Well, Joe Cocker was a big fan of pie floaters before he died a couple of years ago. As far as I know nobody ever conclusively proved a connection between Mr. Cocker's death and his consumption of pie floaters.



The pie floater in the photo at the top of this post is from Vili's Café in Adelaide, Australia. (How did you guess?)

And when I go to the 2017 Laser Masters Worlds in Adelaide I am definitely going to Vili's Café to enjoy a pie floater.



Can you believe it? Some of the Anonymous commenters on my blog have been casting doubts on my assertion that the 2017 Laser Masters Worlds will be in Adelaide.

How dare they?

Do I question your faith?

The Weather is Here - I Wish You Were Beautiful

In the pre-dawn hours on Sunday morning at Proper Course World Headquarters, the temperature fell to almost 40 degrees below freezing. When the sun came up we were treated to this unusual view of "sea smoke" over the bay.

The fleet captain of the Newport Laser fleet cancelled our racing on Sunday because he felt it would be a bit too chilly for racing.

On Monday morning, it was only just below zero degrees Fahrenheit at sunrise and we could see that Mount Hope Bay was covered in ice.

On Wednesday the sailing team from Roger Williams University posted the photo below on their Facebook page, with this comment...

First day of sailing at home last year: March 17.
First day of sailing at home this year: February 17.
And it was awesome!
(Not confirmed, but possibly the earliest start date in the last decade.

Good for them. RWU is on the other side of the bay from us. Proper Course World Headquarters is somewhere on that ridge, a tad to the right of the dinghies.

I went sailing "at home" (i.e. in Rhode Island) on Wednesday too.

I sailed my Laser in Newport along with a friend in his RS Aero.

I was hoping to stage a repeat of this epic photo of the first launch of an RS Aero in New England waters in 2015.

Sadly, although the first splash of the RS Aero in 2016 was almost a month earlier than in 2015, there wasn't enough snow left to re-stage the photo.

So we blasted around Brenton Cove enjoying the balmy 45 degree weather in a chunky 12-17 mph south-westerly.

At least I was blasting around in my Laser. My companion in the RS Aero spent a lot of time doing something more useful like practicing his starts by holding station on buoys and sailing slowly and sailing backwards and other such nonsense that he thinks will help him beat me on the start line at the RS Aero US Nationals in the Gorge this year. Ha!

Life is too short to sail slowly on purpose.

There was another guy out sailing a Laser too. Apparently he likes to come down to Sail Newport one or two afternoons a week for some Laser practice at this time of year, so I may well go sail with him some days over the coming weeks.

It was an exhilarating afternoon. Especially exhilarating when getting splashed in the face by the icy cold water on wild planing reaches. Even more exhilarating when I realized the neck of my drysuit has stretched a bit and the icy cold water was going down my neck. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

And so to the Coddington Brewery for some French onion soup and a pulled pork sandwich with curly fries washed down with a couple of glasses of IPA.

Gratuitous photo of 

pulled pork sandwich with curly fries 

at Coddington Brewery

stolen without permission from Yelp

purely to keep Baydog happy.

I felt a bit achy when I woke up this morning.

I went for a 6 mile run on the East Bay Bike Path this morning.

I think I'll take a nap now.

Two Soups

I recently discovered a new (to me) sailing blog and it's already one of my favorites.

Check out RS300 393 - adventures of a boat and her incompetent skipper.

That's the author, Chris Arnell - "looking awesome downwind wearing the camera hat."

I love this guy. He has everything going for him...

• He is British.
• He is a singlehanded racing sailor.
• He sails an RS Sailing singlehander.
• He celebrates his own incompetence.
• He writes with self-deprecating humor

I mean, what's not to like about someone with all those qualities?



His latest post is Not an event report. The RS300 Inlands.

Apparently he was asked to write a report about the RS300 Inlands for Yachts and Yachting magazine and he refused to do so....

OK – let’s be clear about this one. I am NOT writing a Yachts and Yachting report for an RS300 event where I was too far behind to see who won and too busy trying to stay upright to notice what the weather was like or whether the start line was good, bad or indifferent. The only thing I remember is there were never more than 6 boats behind me and even if I knew who they were I’d be accused of cyber-bullying if I mentioned them by name. Nobody needs a defeat by me mentioned in the yachting press.

Sounds fair enough to me. At least he wrote a "not an event report" blog post.

Apparently the RS300s shared a course with the Phantoms whose skippers seemed to Chris to be "elderly, tubby, humourless jerks" and he should know because he admits to being elderly, tubby and humorless himself.



There is an excellent review of the Bed and Breakfast where he stayed, complete with embarrassing revelations about his interactions with the landlady and a complaint about the breakfast. "For £95 I think a rasher of bacon, a fried egg and a chipolata would have made a nice accompaniment to the muesli."

Indeed.

Bacon is essential food for sailors of RS singlehanded classes. Beans, black pudding and fried bread are good for you too.

Chris realizes that a real event report should include a long list of names "probably in the order they rounded some marks." This challenge seems to be beyond Chris so in his "not an event report" he just provides a list of the most popular names in the fleet...

The most common name in the fleet was actually "Chris" as there were 3 of us. Just behind us, with two each, were the Steves, Alastairs, Daves, Marks, Richards and Ians. The poor guys who couldn't even muster a single namesake included Sam, Luke, Tim, Stuart and Mike. But if you sail as well as these folks it probably doesn't matter.

So creative!



Chris seems to suffer from the same problem that often plagues me. The official regatta photographer always seems to shoot me when I don't look like I know what I am doing.

Lardy marble attempts to reach high side of boat

That's Chris in 393. His caption - not mine. He does seem to be a bit obsessed with the Phantom sailors and how "lardy"he is.

Some of the Phantoms capsized while tacking; their sailors rolling like lardy marbles from the high side to the low side of their boats. I think I’m probably more of a Phantom sailor than an RS300 sailor. It’s a depressing thought.

Chris does remember to report on the prize giving. "We had one."

And in a brilliant conclusion he publishes a photo of the results which are totally illegible.

I like this guy. Go read his blog. Subscribe or follow it or whatever it is you do with blogs.




In his "not an event report" Chris mentions one sailor who has the nickname "Two Soups."  I have no idea why anyone would be called "Two Soups." Perhaps it's something to do with this classic sketch featuring Julie Walters as the waitress?

Back to Little Compton

On Monday this erstwhile RS Aero sailor drove down to Little Compton for what turned out to be a superb afternoon of solitary Laser sailing. The trailer parking lot only had one other trailer in it and there was nary another boat in sight on the river when I launched.

The wind was around 5-10 knots but I think it must have been stronger earlier because the waves seemed better than that. It's hard to describe but they are different from Bristol waves. I did some long upwinds and downwinds like I did last year with various sailing friends. The wind seemed to be getting lighter as I sailed but I managed to get some good rides on waves while sailing by the lee.

The lighthouse looked spectacular when I sailed up close to it. I had forgotten what a beautiful spot this is. I think Little Compton may be the best place on the planet for Laser sailing. There are at least 14 reasons why.

Sakonnet Lighthouse

And that's not even counting the fact that JP Morgan used to fish here.

And did you know that the inventor of the three-ring-binder lived in Little Compton?

A three-ring-binder

Where was I? Where am I? Oh yes, Laser sailing in the best place on the planet for Laser sailing.



There is a group of Really Serious Laser Masters Worlds Sailors who have a Training Group that sails out of Third Beach Newport (not in Newport) on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I saw a couple of Lasers (actually a Radial and a Laser I think) come out from Third Beach on the other side of the Sakonnet River just as I was about ready to come in on Monday. They were probably some of those Really Serious Laser Masters Worlds Sailors getting some extra training time in on Monday because of the forecast of thunderstorms and tornadoes and giant hail stones for Tuesday. They probably sailed in the thunderstorm too. They are really serious.

A really serious man

I guess I used to be a Really Serious Laser Masters Worlds Sailor myself. I used to join in with those guys when they had RSLMWSTGs at Third Beach or Bristol in other years. These years I'm only a semi-serious Laser sailor. I'm not going to the Masters Worlds this year like all those guys in the  RSLMWSTG. Been there. Done that. Actually done that six times. Got it out of my system. Ticked it off my bucket list.

My bucket list

Actually I suppose I am a semi-serious semi-Laser semi-Aero sailor these days.

Evelyn's Drive-In looked to be doing a roaring trade as I drove home. Next time I must come earlier with some friends so we can get back to Evelyn's by around 4:30 and snag a table for a leisurely dinner by the side of Nanaquaket Pond.

The outside dining area at Evelyn's
with some tables you could snag.

The lobster roll and fries at Evelyn's

Two of the Tiller family at Evelyn's

Labor Day Weekend 2010

Life is good.

I love my Laser.

I love Little Compton.

I love sailing on my own.

I love Evelyn's

Guess What We're Having for Dinner

Typical conversation between Tillerman and Tillerwoman about what to have for dinner...

TW: What do you want for dinner tonight?

TM: Toad in the hole.

(For reasons lost in the mists of time, family tradition dictates that the first two salvoes of the game must always be played in this way. Choice of subsequent shots is entirely at the discretion of each player.)

TW: You don't really want toad in the hole, do you?

TM: Don't I? What do I want then?

TW: I have some ground beef.

TM: Well let's have minced beef and Yorkshire pudding.

TW: I was thinking chili.

TM: OK. Let's have chili then. Did I guess the right answer?

Short silence...

TW: It's Sunday tomorrow. You don't want chili for Sunday dinner, surely?

TM:  (Feeling a little confused.) Well let's have roast chicken then.

TW: We've already had chicken this week.

TM: Well let's have roast beef.

TW: But we're having beef today. In the chili.

TM: Well let's go out for dinner then.

TW: We can't go out for dinner. We went out for lunch last week.

TM: (In desperation.) How about oysters and beer?

TW: We can't have oysters and beer for Sunday dinner.

Pause for thought...

TM: We haven't had Beef Wellington for a while.

TW: We could have Beef Wellington.

TM: Did I guess the right answer?

Short silence...

TW: I'm going shopping to buy some wellingtons.

Random Things I Am Thankful For This Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for…

My sailing friends 

especially the ones who drove 

down from Massachusetts so many times 

to train with me in Rhode Island this year

The RS Aero 

perhaps the best new singlehanded sailing boat 

since the Laser

Cup-holders on boats 

The winter solstice

Trapezoid courses

Form N-400

MagSafe

Snow

My blog readers 

especially those of you who 

take the trouble to leave a comment 

or send me an email

Waking up

Sunrises

Mangoes

Papayas

Marley

Rum

 especially rum after sailing 

The farmers, growers, fishers, brewers, and winemakers 

of New England 

The Oxford comma 

The Final Beat

IEEE 802.11

Rule 43.1(a) 

Command-Shift-4

The Leinster Burger 

at Aidan's Pub 

Beer 

especially beer after sailing 

All the people who work in restaurants and bars and pubs 

Even More Extreme Sudoku

by

Antoine Alary 

Six little people

27 Things To Do on your Laser or Sunfish While Waiting Between Races

A reader asked what you should do when waiting between Laser races at a regatta.

Good question.

Personally I hate waiting for anything.  But it's an inevitability at many large regattas. We wait for wind. We wait for the RC to adjust the course. We wait for other fleets using the same course to get their starts off. We wait while other fleets using the same course have a gazillion general recalls.

etc. etc. etc.

Ugh!

So what to do.

1. Hydrate. Very important on a long day of racing, especially if the weather is warm. Sometimes the RC will hand out water and sometimes you have to bring your own drink. Whatever. Drink something between every race. Dehydration will degrade your racing performance and make you feel weird too.

2. Pee. You did read #1 I hope. After drinking gallons of water, eventually the time will come when you have to get rid of it. We all do it. But if you are a man and are going to stand on the transom of your Laser and unzip and wave it around, then sail a distance away from your fellow sailors. We all have one. Well most of us do. But we don't want to see yours.

3. Eat something. Whole screeds have been written on what to eat during exercise that lasts several hours. Sometimes we race more hours in a day than it would take us to run a marathon. Nutrition experts will lecture you on what to eat and what not to eat. My own personal advice would be to find something that works for you and stick with it. Personally I like Clif Bars and those energy gels that long distance runners use - especially the ones with caffeine. What do you like to eat on the water?

4. Stretch. Some people are quite skilled at doing all those fancy yoga stretches on a Laser but I never seem to manage them without falling off the boat. I should practice this more.

5. Watch the other fleets starting. As Yogi Berra said, "You can observe a lot by watching."  What's the bias on the start line? Which side of the beat seems to be paying? Stuff like that.

6. Plan your strategy for the next race. What are you going to differently?

7. Chat to your friends. Talk about baseball or where you're going for dinner. Tell some jokes. Sail over to that weird looking dude and ask him if he's Tillerman. Talk some trash about other sailors. You could even ask some of the good sailors what they did in the last race. You might learn something.

8. Relax. This is my favorite. Get your bum in the cockpit and stretch out. Sometimes other sailors even think I am asleep. Maybe I am sometimes.

9. Watch out you don't get run over by a mommy boat. Especially if you are asleep. Enough said.

10. Pull up your hiking pants. They always slip down when racing. At least mine do.

11. Check out your boat. Is anything working loose? Coming untied? Falling off? Ready to break? Maybe you can do some emergency maintenance before the next race. You do carry an emergency kit don't you? Seriously, I was in a race this season where another Laser sailor had his mainsheet break! You think there might have been a few warning signs first?

12. If there's no wind and it's a hot sunny day and it looks like there is going to be a long wait, then strip off, hang your sailing clothes on the boom to dry, and work on your suntan.

13. Put some more sunscreen on.  Preferably before #12.

14. Play. You did bring a frisbee and a water gun didn't you?

15. Have a beer. I have raced at places where the RC hands out beer to Laser sailors between races. Personally I have never indulged until all the races were over. My sailing performance is bad enough without being under the influence too. But whatever rocks your boat.

16. Pose for the photographer boat.

17. Work out exactly what you are going to write on the protest form about that fooking idiot who fouled you in the last race.

18. Get yourself fired up for the next race. Talk to yourself. Mutter your mantra.


What else?

---

Update Sep 19: This post was first published on Sep 17 as Waiting - 18 Things. An anonymous commenter suggested another 9 things to do (some with photos to illustrate them) that are so good that I have added her contributions to the list and changed the title of the post. 

19. Check all the GoPro cameras and other gizmos on your boat and body.

20. Use one camera to make better photos then the photoboat (and charge nothing.)

21. In case you misinterpreted the wind for the race you just finished, change the 'boat mode' eg the mast rake or goose-neck (Sunfish!)

22. Clean your sunglasses.

23. Cool your feet.

24. Read a newspaper (or SI or ..)

25. Do Yoga exercise.

26. Discuss your sailing with your coach.

27. Do some swimming

Thanks to Hertogenbosch for her contributions to this post. (Note the  new policy on this blog: anonymous commenters will be assigned genders and names at random by the blog owner.)

Where am I?

Where am I?

You had better be quick if you want to beat the Lion of Lawrenceville and the Sage of Sacramento who will probably get this in one, and know exactly what Tillerwoman had for lunch too.

Top 7 Reasons Why Larry Ellison Will Hold the 35th America's Cup in Hawaii

There has been a lot of buzz in the last few days that Larry Ellison plans to hold the next America's Cup in Hawaii. See, for example, Larry Ellison eyeing Honolulu for '17 America's Cup.

And it's true. I have it straight from the mouth of a usually reliable source, who cannot be named at this time, that Larry has made the decision and that these are the seven main reasons why he has made this choice...


1. Hawaii is the only American state not in the Americas.  Larry feels that the America's Cup has been held in the Americas way too much. It's time for a change.

2. There some disagreement on how to spell the name of the place. Is it Hawaii or Hawaiʻi?  If the America's Cup itself doesn't generate enough controversy we can always have a good argument about diacritics and glottal stops. And Larry loves a good argument.

3. The state motto is "Ua mau ke ea o ka aina i ka pono." Need I say more?

4. Hawaiian music. The Hawaiian language has no word that translates precisely as "music", but don't let that fool you. There's a wide variety of traditional and popular styles of music unique to Hawaii. Take slack key guitar for example. Larry loves slack key guitar.

  


5. Volcanoes! What a brilliant idea to hold the America's Cup near volcanoes. A spectacular volcanic eruption could liven things up if the racing gets too boring.  Larry is a genius.

6. Spam! Spam is very popular in Hawaii. Fried spam with rice, fried eggs and spam, spam stir-fried with cabbage, spam mashed with tofu, spam and cold sōmen, spam and baked macaroni and cheese, spam sandwiches and spam musubi, to name just a few delicious spam dishes you can enjoy in Hawaii. Spam - the official mystery meat of the 35th America's Cup!!! Larry loves spam. And sponsors.

7. Okolehao. Need I say more?

Looking Back at Laser Sailing in 2013

It's Throwback Thursday so let's take a look back into the dim distant past of… 2013.

It was another funny old year…

In January and February I did a spot of frostbiting with the Newport Laser Fleet. There was the day we sailed in the fog, there was the day I got ice on the deck and a big smile on my face, and the awesome day when I almost began to feel that I might not be too bad at Laser sailing after all.

Then there were three consecutive weekends in February when even I didn't think it was suitable for Laser sailing, but towards the end of the month I actually broke my own record for how early in the year I went out for a bit of solo practice. I must be nuts.


In March I went down to Florida with some friends to train with coach Kurt Taulbee at SailFit.

This is me

I learned a lot, especially on the day when I helped one of my friends (and myself) overcome Heavy Ar Fear by being the idiot to be saying, "It looks great out there. I'm going sailing. Who's coming with me?"


On returning to chilly Rhode Island I did a bit more frostbite racing and another eight days of Spring Training in March and April. I was pretty pleased with myself at the end of April thinking that I had prepared as well as I reasonably could for the upcoming season. This Year Will Be Different. Right?


I did some more solo training in May. Well sort of. You could also describe it as going off on my own for some rowdy raunchy loud hysterical crazy fun.

This is me too

Then I sailed four regattas over the summer of 2013 and learned something at all of them.

At the 2-day Wickford Regatta in May I learned that all my on-the-water practice in March, April and May had paid off. I was fit enough to be able to complete every single race and I still felt strong right up to the end of the final race. This was major progress compared to 2012 where I was frequently missing the last race or two on every day at the regattas I attended. Even better than that, I was passing boats on reaches and runs, probably due to some of the work I did with Kurt at SailFit. So that was all good.


The 2-day John Bentley Regatta at New Bedford YC in June would have been special whatever happened on the water,  because it was in memory of a sailing friend we lost way too young the previous December. But I did learn a lot too, mainly about Managing Arousal and Anxiety. Or how not to be a slug or a crazed squirrel. On the first day I realized afterwards that I had been too much like the crazed squirrel. And on the second day I started like a slug, but found a couple of ways to energize myself, get myself in "the zone" and enjoyed a rewarding day of racing in perfect Buzzards Bay weather. I don't remember a day I had more fun racing. And I finished in the top ten! So that was all good.

This is a slug

The 2-day New England Masters at Sail Newport in September was a big learning experience too.  On the first day, the learnings included….

1. Mid line sag is real
2. The other sailors have no idea where the start line is either.
3. The other sailors are really good at accelerating off the start line.
4. I suck at accelerating off the start line.
5. In a large, close fleet it's not a good idea to approach the mark on the port tack layline.
6. I hate bridges.
7. Don't capsize
8. I need to learn how to do capsize recoveries faster.
9. Don't screw up
10. When I don't race for a couple of months, I screw up.

But apart from that it was all good.

On the second day, I learned that Doug's advice on Improper Course about Sailing in the Middle of the Fleet (a primer for the mid-fleet average sailor) really worked. I was 6th out of 48 in one race (woo hoo!) and won a trophy for third place in the "incredibly old geezers - they really ought to be in the nursing home instead of blundering around the race course getting in everyone else's way" category (woo hoo again!) So that was all good.


On the other hand, at the 3-day North American Masters in October it was not all good. For some reason I was not prepared - certainly not mentally and perhaps not physically either - for the regatta. I had been looking forward to it all year but my heart wasn't it. I sailed badly. I quit early. The experience did cause me to think a lot about what kind of sailing events I do and do not enjoy and how that will affect my choice of regattas this year; and also to work out what I will need to do to prepare for a major event like this in the future. So that was all good. I really should blog about it one day.


Wait. What happened in July and August?

In July I went Laser sailing locally ten times, including one afternoon sailing with my son on Mount Hope Bay when we made a landing on Spar Island and claimed it for the British Empire.

This is my son on Spar Island

And in August we spent a lot of time with the family and I only sailed my Laser four times.


Oh wait. I almost forgot the highlight of the year - the trip to Minorca Sailing in September. This year one of my local sailing friends and his wife joined us there and we all had a blast. Well, I had a blast. I think the others did. I learned a lot and won the first Thursday regatta, and won the pursuit race, and won the second Thursday regatta. And there were sardines. There were definitely sardines. It was all good.

These are sardines

And then in December, Tillerwoman and I had another wonderful vacation at the Bitter End Yacht Club in the BVI. We sailed catamarans a lot together. I sailed a Laser and won both the Laser regatta and the Hobie regatta on the Sunday we were there. There was kayaking and swimming and running and hiking. There was rum. There was definitely rum. It was all good. I really should blog about it one day.

This is me relaxing at BEYC

Wait. What happened in November? I have no idea. Apparently nothing.

According to my notes, I went Laser sailing on 72 days in 2013. It's not 100. But it is more than 43 so most of my male readers are happy.


Oh. I almost forgot the best day of the year. October 12.

Andrew James

5th grandchild

3rd grandson

Born 12 Oct 2013

It was all good.

Birthday Lunch

Today is Tillerwoman's birthday.

She's 29 (I think.)

She said she wanted to go out for lunch and have some oysters.

Her wish was granted.

1. Can any of my clever readers identify what kind of oysters these are?

2. Where they are from?

3. What did I have to drink?

4. What else did Tillerwoman have for lunch?

5. What was the topic of the conversation at the the table behind me?

6. Where is the nearest sailing club?

How to Burn Calories… Fast

Snowy Day Laser Sailor Blues

Bob Dylan sailing some boat that's not a Laser

Oh, the Tillerman writes his nonsense
Up and down his blog.
You'd ask him what the matter is
But you know he's such a dog.
Yet the sailors treat him kindly
And they all give him a break
But deep inside his heart
He knows he's just a fake.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Well Judy she's going to Mexico
With her hiking boots and her hats
Speaking to some Canadian
Who will teach her how to sail fast.
Maybe I should do a clinic
To learn those downwind moves
But I'm shoveling all this snow
And I'm running out of booze.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Meka tried to tell me
To stay away from the Clif Bars.
She said they're full of sugar
That will put inches on my arse.
And I said "Oh I didn't know that
But then again I don't know shit
About nutrition and diet and vitamins
And stuff that makes you fit."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Petey died last week
And now he's buried in the rocks
But everybody still talks about
How badly they were shocked.
But me, I expected it to happen
I knew he'd rile the nuts
When he fought to clean  the river
And make it safe for ducks.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Now the fleet captain came down here
Showing videos from his GoPro
Handing out free tickets
To the Providence Boat Show
And me, I nearly got convinced
And wouldn't he have sniffed
If I had spent thirteen thousand dollars
And bought that RS100 skiff?
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Now the horse he looked so baffled
When I asked him why he dressed
The ladies with their fishes
And nothing on their chests.
But he cursed me when I proved it to him
Then I whispered, "Not even you can hide
You see, you're just like me
I hope you're satisfied."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Now Doug, he gave me two cures
When he said, "Your sailing's such a shambles."
The one was hiking workouts
The other was sailing angles
And like a fool I mixed them
And it tangled up my mind
And now, my tacks just get uglier
And I have no sense of time.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Then Baydog says come see him
In his Barnegat lagoon
Where I can watch him sail for free
'Neath his New Jersey moon.
And I say, "Aw come on now
You know I sail a Laser,"
And he says, "You'd better sail a scow
And buy a fancy blazer."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?


Now the snow lays on Thames Street
Where the frostbite madmen quaff.
They tell their lies so perfectly
I really shouldn't scoff.
And here I sit so patiently
Waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to just once
Win a race in all this ice.
Oh, Mama, is this really the end
To be stuck inside of Newport
With the Laser blues again?

Snow in Newport and nobody sailing a Laser

Apologies to Bob Dylan for mangling his lyrics.

And apologies also to Judy, Doug, Baydog, Meka Taulbee, the anonymous fleet captain of the MYC Sunfish Fleet, Pete Seeger and Joe Rouse for taking their names in vain. And thanks to them for being good sports and teaching me so much about sailing and blogging and cooking and fitness and banjo playing and how to appreciate pictures of ladies in tiny bikinis holding big fishes.