Thursday, May 08, 2014

WWODD?

I just received this email….

Hi Propercourse.blogspot.com Team,  
I trust you are doing splendidly,  
I have gone through your website and I comprehend that it’s well built, but can be improved in several ways to get better sales and revenue from the site. If you would like me to send you a complete list of upgrades and improvements we could do to your site then kindly let me know so that I can send you the brief quotation for your website. After in-depth research about your website and analyzing the targeted market for your business to prevail, we also execute effective online marketing campaigns by targeting not only local markets but also provincial and international markets as well. However you will be getting all-in-one services when contacting us.

It goes on in a similar vein.

How flattering!

The gentleman who went through my website must have been very impressed with it to be under the delusion that it was assembled by a "Team."

And he clearly must have got the impression that this blog is already generating some "sales and revenue" because he wants to make my sales and revenue even "better."

He thinks I (sorry I and my Team) are a "business" and wants to analyze our "targeted market." I'm not sure what my (sorry our Team's) targeted market is. People who are a bit quirky and like playing on the water? Potential RS Aero buyers? People who once knew somebody who sailed a Sailfish? I have no idea.



What should I do?

Should I reply saying I am interested in seeing the "complete list of upgrades and improvements" that my (sorry my Team's) site clearly needs.


The rest of the email has a lot of stuff I don't understand about "back links" and "white hat techniques."


And a rather ominous statement that says before they can move on they need to discuss my goals.


Unfortunately I don't have any goals.

I think I might have some cricket stumps somewhere.

I wonder if that would do?



WWODD do.

What would Oh Docker do?


14 comments:

bonnie said...

Potential purchasers of those uncrustable things?

Tillerman said...

Bonnie. You outed me. And now I have to confess.

Yes, I must disclose that I was given a lifetime supply of Uncrustables in return for writing my review rubbishing Uncrustables. The marketing geniuses at Smuckers figured out that the buzz generated by unfavorable reviews of Uncrustables would create so much interest in the product that it would boost their sales to hitherto unknown heights. All along this blog has been nothing more than a tool of Smuckers' global empire in their drive for domination of the inedible category.

JP said...

Just be honest: tell them your goal is to sail faster upwind (or is it downwind now?) and ask how they can help.

Hopefully there'll be nothing back about them being the relatives of the Nigerian top sailor who discovered how to sail upwind quickly but died before he could pass on the secret but it could be yours - for a small fee.

O Docker said...


The hat intrigues me.

I think they're talking about how to fool search engines into thinking all the cool kids hang out at your blog.

There are slightly sneaky ways to do that and really sneaky ways. The slightly sneaky ways are called 'white hat' and the really sneaky ways are called 'black hat'. (In very old cowboy movies, the really sneaky guys wore black hats.)

But what the gentleman writing to you doesn't realize is that the cool kids already hang out at your blog.

I would reply to him only if you thought you could get a free hat out of it.

I've always had a weakness for a free hat.

Tillerman said...

I have a weakness for a free hat too.

There was a time when I sailed with a white hat. Although for many years I have sailed with an orange hat. And it was free!! But it is now so faded it almost looks like a white hat.

I know that the cool kids already hang out at my blog. So maybe the nice man who knows all about white hat techniques would pay me to hang out with the cool kids too?

Shall I suggest that?

bonnie said...

Lifetime supply of uncrustables = 1?

Hats are good. I almost won a hat last year but I screwed up the finish and the other guy nailed it. It was awesome being even close to winning a hat though.

Tillerman said...

I do pretty well at winning hats. I have a number of Minorca Sailing hats. And a hat from the East End Series of Long Island. And a really cool wide brim hat from some regatta in Annapolis.

Anonymous said...

As part of your International target market we would suggest that you do not spurn this offer. Occasionally we, of the International target market are flummoxed by home references to things we know not of. To wit "Uncrustables".

Some form of American delicacy we assume, although not perhaps to your liking.

Likewise we were surprised that your allusion to "cricket stumps" does not puzzle your North American target market.

It might be that assistance from a proven marketeer will 'Internationalise' your site making it more accessible to all

Steve (Indented Head YC)

PS Please send us an "Uncrustable" (surface mail should be sufficient) in order that we may judge for ourselves.

Is quarantine a problem?

Tillerman said...

Steve - sorry to hear about your indented head. But it must be nice to know so many fellow sufferers that you can form a yacht club together. Actually I do have a small indentation in the top of my head. Well, more of a flattish spot really. I wonder if that would qualify me to join your club. What exactly are the qualifications? Do I need to submit a photo of my indentation?

I was pleased to hear that you were "flummoxed." Some of my readers may not know the expression "flummoxed." They would be flummoxed by "flummoxed." I do try to do a bit of flummoxing in most of my posts. Is that a problem? I always thought it was part of my charm. I don't understand Tillerwoman, for example. But that's part of her charm for me and probably why we have been happy together for so long. She flummoxes me every day.

I am pretty sure that there is some ingredient in Uncrustables that is banned in your country. If not, then it should be. Check for yourself…

BREAD: ENRICHED UNBLEACHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, MALTED BARLEY FLOUR, NIACIN, FERROUS SULFATE, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID), WATER, UNBLEACHED WHOLE WHEAT FLOUR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, SOYBEAN OIL, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: SALT, YEAST, DOUGH CONDITIONERS (DISTILLED MONOGLYCERIDES, DATEM, ENZYMES [WITH AMYLASE, LIPASE, ASCORBIC ACID, CALCIUM PEROXIDE, AZODICARBONAMIDE, WHEAT STARCH]). PEANUT BUTTER: PEANUTS, DEXTROSE, SUGAR, MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: FULLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OILS (SOYBEAN AND/OR COTTONSEED AND/OR RAPESEED), SALT, MOLASSES. GRAPE JELLY: GRAPE JUICE, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CORN SYRUP, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: PECTIN, CITRIC ACID, POTASSIUM SORBATE (PRESERVATIVE).

Anonymous said...

I am from Nigeria and would like to send you $1,000,000. My mother is wanted by a stepson and needs to protect her money on Mothers day. Could you please send me your bank information and pin #'s. Please include at least one credit card # so I can verify you veracity.
God Bless
Fred Blinko

Tillerman said...

Hello Fred Blinko. Did you know my Dad? He was in Nigeria in the 1940s. He had an indented head too.

meech said...

I definitely feel like I'm inside a Douglas Adams novel now

Tillerman said...

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what this blog is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

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