Sailing Forums

I used to enjoy reading sailing forums. In fact I was once an active participant in a couple of such forums under a fictitious name. I had a lot of fun stimulating vigorous discussion by pretending to be a cantankerous old codger who always took a contrary view to other folk on the forums. But I upset some of the powers-that-be who didn't appreciate my sense of humor and who didn't know that the real me is a warm, cuddly, lovable, cantankerous old codger, and so I killed off my alter ego. Irony is wasted on some folk.

The famous EVK4 Superblogger, also now the San Francisco Sailing Examiner, recently published an article on How to make fun of a sailor. Come to think of it, making fun of sailors is something I've been doing for years, here on Proper Course, in my previous life as a forum contributor, and of course in real life. I think I make fun of myself more than anybody else, so nobody should feel that I'm not fair in my teasing, mocking and humiliation of fellow sailors.

So who should I make fun of today? How about sailors who use sailing forums?

Sad to say, the forum of a certain single-handed Olympic sailing class is so bland and repetitive these days that I rarely bother to look at it any more. You will see what I mean from this sample of recent posts and threads on the forum (paraphrased to make them even more thrilling than the originals.)

1. I am so excited. I just traded my 1973 boat for a 1998 boat. Aren't I awesome?

2. How do I paint a boat purple?

3. I have a flat tire on my dolly. What should I do?

4. I weigh 80 lbs. Am I too light for this boat?

5. I weigh 320 lbs. Am I too heavy for this boat?

6. I just bought a sail that is smaller than the standard sail for the boat, has a cap where the standard sail doesn't, and has a line where the standard sail doesn't. Have I made a mistake?

8. I just bought a [insert name of totally different boat that nobody has ever heard of]. Can anybody on this forum tell me how to fix the doohickey to the squabrangle?

8. It's too cold to sail today. Just saying, in case you were interested.

9. Back when I ran the class there were twenty times as many members, I knew them all by name and sent them presents on their birthdays, there was free beer at every regatta, the winds always blew at 15-20 knots, and every sailor was above average. Just saying, in case you were interested.

10. I just discovered that you can tack by pulling the tiller towards you as well as pushing it away from you. Anyone else noticed that? Aren't I awesome?

Sailing forums are so 2008. Do you agree? Blogs are so much better. No sailing blogger would ever write about such lame topics as making a Laser out of snow or the legal status of some obscure atoll. If anyone ever does you should make fun of them unmercifully.

By the way, if you are a Facebook user, check out the new group How to make fun of a sailor. Please join the group and leave a suggestion on the wall on how to make fun of sailors.

What sailors should I make fun of next?