Saturday, August 18, 2012
At the Buzzards Bay Regatta a couple of weeks ago there was one Laser with the name CRIS P BACON on its hull.
In between the races I asked the skipper of CRIS P BACON, "Is your name really Cris P Bacon?"
"Yes," he admitted with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
What were his parents thinking?
With my usual lack of sensitivity I blundered on with my interrogation.
"So, do you actually like crispy bacon?" I asked.
His reply shocked me to the core.
"No, I f###in don't like f###ing crispy bacon. Crispy bacon is an abomination. Bacon is meant to be juicy and chewy. You want to feel the juices on your tongue. You want to savor the taste as you chew it. What's the point in turning bacon into something that tastes like charcoal? People in this country have no idea what good bacon is like. I was on vacation in Ireland last month and we had wonderful breakfasts of soft, chewy, juicy bacon with runny fried eggs. Mmmm. And what's the point of putting crispy bacon on a hamburger? It only goes soft with the juice from the burger anyway. And bacon goes with scallops like peanut butter goes with jelly, but you definitely want the bacon chewy not crunchy. American bacon is f###ing crap anyway. It's all streaky and nasty. Not all like the real bacon that they have in Ireland and England, nice lean rashers with a strip of fat. I guess it's no wonder that people in America want to overcook their crappy American bacon and turn it into disgusting f###ing crispy bacon..."
By now we were well into the start sequence for the next race so I went off to try and secure a good position on the line, but I could still hear him in the distance, ranting on about crispy bacon, as the race started...
Baydog made me write this post.
The first two sentences of this post are actually true.