Overheard on a Run

Sunday was a good day. Things were going well for me in the marathon. I was maintaining a steady consistent pace and had powered past 20 miles with no signs of flagging. I had joked with the other runners, waved at the crowds (especially all those cute cheerleaders) and smiled at the cameras.

Now in the last two miles I have caught up with a couple of female runners dressed as fairies. Tinkerbells, I guess - after all this is the Disney World Marathon. Wings, tutu, magic wand - the whole shebang. I'm thinking, this is not good. If I stay with these two I'm going to be photographed crossing the finishing line with a couple of fairies. Not good at all.

The taller of the two Tinkerbells is talking in a loud, whiny voice to the other one as they are running side by side. It's like one of those cell phone conversations you hear on the train - one-sided, boring, loud. And she's going on and on and on about the same subject. Her friend is just uttering the occasional grunt as acknowledgement that she is sympathizing with Big Tinkerbell's predicament.

So he said my ass was fine ...... but I told him I know it's jiggly ...... he said it looked great after all my training ....... but I know I've got a jiggly ass ....... he's just saying it to make me feel good ...... I hate having a jiggly ass, especially when I'm running ....... it's not so bad when I'm cycling ...... but I know how bad I look when I run ....... blah blah blah ...... jiggly ass ...... blah blah blah ...... jiggly ass ....

After a couple of minutes I can't stand any more so I accelerate a little and pull away from the narcissistic fairy with the vibrationally challenged buttocks.

Man, it feels so good to have some spring left in the legs after 26 miles. Only a couple of hundred yards to go. The crowd is cheering and screaming and encouraging us all. Round the final bend and I see it ... at last, the finish line. The announcer reads out my name and home state to the crowd. I wave both arms in the air at the cameras and cross the line looking like a maniac.

Wow. So much better than last year's marathon. Almost 30 minutes faster and a strong finish with none of last year's agonies in the final 6 miles. All the training and preparation have been worth it.

I know that, in the big scheme of things, my time of 4:33 isn't anything to be too excited about. But I did beat Big Tinkerbell With Jiggly Ass. It was a good day.