Warning

When I am an old man I shall sail a purple Laser

And wear a red do-rag which doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on single malt Scotch and Zhik wetsuits

And a new sail every three months, and say I've no money for gas.

I shall sit down on the dock and drink rum when I'm tired

And pump three times on every wave and shout "protest" a lot

And use the F-word in rants on all the sailing forums

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out sailing in 30 knots on my own

And steal bits from other sailors' boats

And learn to ooch.

You can wear Hawaiian shirts and grow more fat

And eat three large pizzas at a go

Or only oysters and beer for a week

And hoard duct tape and tools and Advil and things in boxes.

But now we must have USCG approved PFDs that keep us safe

And pay our entry fees and remember to thank the race committee

And set a good example for the children.

We must do our RC duty and read the sailing instructions.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to sail a purple Laser.

with apologies to Jenny Joseph