Monday, April 12, 2010

Tilly's Forester Frolics

My daughter-in-law is a very lucky woman. And not only because she is the mother of the two cutest and smartest grandchildren in the world.

She is also lucky in the sense that she wins things. Last year she won an all-expenses-paid trip to LA for her and her husband to be in the audience for the recording of one of those daytime TV talk shows. Of course, I never watch such shows myself. This particular show was hosted by a lady whose name is Helen the Generous. I think she is called Helen the Generous because sometimes she gives away cars to people in her audience. Anyway, a lot of girls like her.

Then, in some way connected with winning the trip to see the Helen the Generous Show, the TV people asked my daughter-in-law if she would like to appear in some TV commercials for a car. Next thing I knew they had given her a lease on a brand new car in exchange for making a few commercials and writing a blog. And not just any car. It's made by that famous American car company that we all own now, thanks to Mr.G.W.Bush and Mr.B.H.Obama, and it is what they call a "crossover" which (I think) means that it's a cross between a small school bus and a portable movie theater. It's huge.

Wait a minute. Write a blog? I thought I was the blogger in the family. How did she snag a sweet deal like that? She now has a new car with twin gauge clusters trimmed with chrome accents, rear parking sensor, rear view camera, power lift-gate, remote start, heated and cooled front seats, navigation system, DVD entertainment system, and best-in-class cargo space! Hey, I would write a blog for
a car that only has twin gauge clusters trimmed with chrome accents (if I knew what the hell they are.)

My DIL's blog is one of those Mommy Blogs which features the happenings of everyday family life as the Mommy of the two cutest grandchildren in the world... and which also mentions, in passing, how much fun they are having in their new car
with twin gauge clusters trimmed with chrome accents, etc. etc. etc.

She's very good at it. I'm very happy for her.

But I could do that. I could blog about my Laser towing machine, my little 5-year-old Forester Subaru. I even have a perfect name for the blog...

Tilly's Forester Frolics.

Maybe if I did it well enough, Mr. Subaru would give me a brand new Forester to play with?

For example, if I were a TV celebrity blogger endorser like my DIL, I would have written about my trip over to Bristol to go sailing on Wednesday something like this...

Forester Subaru - Chick Magnet

On Wednesday I threw all my sailing gear into the back of my Subaru Forester with impressive maximum cargo capacity. As I drove over Mount Hope Bridge I was grateful for the pulling power of the naturally aspirated horizontally opposed four-cylinder engine. And as I cruised down Hope Street I enjoyed listening to the sailing songs that Adam sent me on the 6-disc in-dash CD sound system.

I pulled into the parking lot at Independence Park and started unpacking the boat. As I did so, a woman in a Honda drew up next to me, wound down her window and asked, "Is that a Forester?"

"Sure is," I answered. "Did you know that it has a viscous limited-slip differential, side-impact air bags, and a powered moon-roof?"

I could see by the sparkle in her eyes that I had made an impression. "Wow!" she said. "I am thinking of buying one. How do you like it?"

I looked at her more closely. Somewhat younger than me. Not unattractive. Something about her clothes suggested that she might even be a yachtie.

"I love it," I answered. "The newer models have redesigned independent double wishbone rear suspension and in-dash, touch-screen satellite navigation systems. But I expect you knew that already."

Her eyes lit up even more and she gave me a big smile. I know this script. If I were single, this is when I would have offered to take her for a drive in my Subaru and impressed her with my low center of gravity and computer controlled, continuously variable, multi-plate transfer clutch.

But I am very happily married so I resisted the temptation and carried on preparing my boat for sailing. She put out a deck chair and sat in the sun and watched me. Was she attracted to me, my boat... or my car? Who knows?

I rigged my Laser. I changed into my sailing clothes. She continued to watch me. As I wheeled the Laser down the beach to launch it, my admirer gave me a friendly wave and wished me well. I'm pretty sure now that it was the car she was ogling, not me or my boat. After all, what woman could resist the Forester's leather-wrapped steering wheel and shift knob?

What do you think? Can I score a new car with a blog like this?

Mr. Subaru, if you are reading this, let's do lunch. Have your people tweet my people.


Fred said...

that gave me a big smile! Great piece of text. It has all the important ingredients, men like to talk about, such as: Cars, Women, Sailing and even some politics.

Wada Doosh said...

Mr. Tillerman (dba Proper Course), it's been a while since we last corresponded. We hope that you are well.

As you might expect, news of your pending business agreement with Subaru of America came as both a surprise and a disappointment to us here at J.M. Smucker. We have deeply appreciated the frequent mention of Uncrustables products in your blog. But, as you know, our standing agreement with you and Proper Course contains an exclusivity clause which allows us to discontinue the agreement should Proper Course, its associates, or assignees engage in product promotion which we feel competes with the products of J. M. Smucker.

You may not be aware that our Uncrustables product, marketed under a different name, is used in the brake linings of many new vehicles that compete with Subaru in markets both in and outside North America.

We therefore feel compelled to terminate our agreement with Proper Course at this time. You may retain whatever Uncrustables products we have shipped to you, but please cease from promoting them in your online publications. We wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Wada Doosh
V.P. Marketing
J.M. Smucker Company

EscapeVelocity said...

So how do you like the Forester? It's on my short list. I'm between tow vehicles at the moment.

Tillerman said...

EV, I am very happy with the Forester. Lots of room in the back for all my sailing gear. Plenty of power for towing a Laser on a Trailex trailer. All wheel drive handy for accessing more remote beach launching spots. And the new versions are even better than mine. Oh, and total chick magnet... never fails.

Carol Anne said...

My folks have had a Forester for about two years, and they love it. In fact, since about 1977, everybody I know who has had a Subaru loves it.

Um, is your DIL the lady who leaves the diaper bag on the roof?

Tillerman said...

Um? Diaper bag on roof? I don't recall that incident Carol Anne. But then my mind has a remarkable ability to erase all memories that involve diapers.

Baydog said...

I left my wallet on my bumber once. It made it all the way home from the beach. It would not have been a huge windfall for the finder if it had fallen, though.

A potted plant of mine also made the bumper trip across Rt. 80 from western Pa. all the way to NJ.

Just lucky I guess

Dennis said...

Even funnier than your usual posts. Yeah, if Subaru doesn't pick you up now, then I dunno what would make them... Your DIL sure is lucky picking up such a sweet deal. I'm green with envy.

Baydog said...


WV: repedio. Repedio, bumper

Baydog said...

I predict a blockbuster tax day tea party protest sign typo coming

Pat said...

I wondered how Baydog's wallet had traveled on an umbrella. Though I suppose that would have made it a financial umbrella.

Baydog said...

Pat: Is that the same thing as a golden parachute? If so, it ain't happening. Not in my unstable line of work, unfortunately.

WV: ochalpo. eight bowls of dog food.

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