Saturday, August 18, 2012

Crispy Bacon

At the Buzzards Bay Regatta a couple of weeks ago there was one Laser with the name CRIS P BACON on its hull.

In between the races I asked the skipper of CRIS P BACON, "Is your name really Cris P Bacon?"

"Yes," he admitted with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

What were his parents thinking?

With my usual lack of sensitivity I blundered on with my interrogation.

"So, do you actually like crispy bacon?" I asked.

His reply shocked me to the core.

"No, I f###in don't like f###ing crispy bacon. Crispy bacon is an abomination. Bacon is meant to be juicy and chewy. You want to feel the juices on your tongue. You want to savor the taste as you chew it. What's the point in turning bacon into something that tastes like charcoal? People in this country have no idea what good bacon is like. I was on vacation in Ireland last month and we had wonderful breakfasts of soft, chewy, juicy bacon with runny fried eggs. Mmmm. And what's the point of putting crispy bacon on a hamburger? It only goes soft with the juice from the burger anyway. And bacon goes with scallops like peanut butter goes with jelly, but you definitely want the bacon chewy not crunchy. American bacon is f###ing crap anyway. It's all streaky and nasty. Not all like the real bacon that they have in Ireland and England, nice lean rashers with a strip of fat.  I guess it's no wonder that people in America want to overcook their crappy American bacon and turn it into disgusting f###ing crispy bacon..."

By now we were well into the start sequence for the next race so I went off to try and secure a good position on the line, but I could still hear him in the distance, ranting on about crispy bacon, as the race started...

Baydog made me write this post.

The first two sentences of this post are actually true.


JP said...

Hurrah for real bacon, which of course is juicy, melt in the mouth soft bacon not charred to tinder bacon.

Baydog said...

Yeah, I was surprised that Chris used the word "streaky". Good one Tillerman!

Chris Partridge said...

When I worked on the Telegraph my login was chrisp and the waggish sysadmin gave me the password 'bacon'.
I'm in Essex, racing, and the next port of call is a greasy spoon where I will have a bacon sarny with four rashers yum yum.

bonnie said...

I like my bacon to still resemble meat.

I recently joined a carnivorous friend for a Restaurant Week dinner at MarkJoseph Steak House. I'd looked at the reviews before we went & noticed that there was a "Sizzling Canadian Bacon" appetizer that people raved about. We went for it and oh, was it good - a nice thick flavorsome slab, nothing at all like the canadian bacon they put on pizza!

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