Thursday, September 11, 2008

Smuckers Fights Back

Regular readers of this blog, all three of you, will know that I was somewhat rude last year about a certain foul-tasting, unhealthy, inedible "snackfood" known as Uncrustables that was served up in the guise of lunch at a regatta I attended. Given the huge influence that this blog has in sailing circles I assumed that I had put an end once and for all to the role of Uncrustables in our sport.

But no.

Those devilishly clever marketing chappies at Smuckers are fighting back. They will not relinquish the sailing snack market to the likes of Clif Bars and Joe's Deli's Foot Long Subs. Guess who are the title sponsors of this year's J/24 North American Championship?

Yup. Smuckers Uncrustables.


Aaaaaaarrghh.

Rest assured dear readers, I will not take this lying down. I did not ask for this struggle but I will answer the call with confidence. I will keep the pressure on these people. I will not relent.

4 comments:

O Docker said...

With a name like Uncrustables, they've got to be good.

You might consider a 'Rename the Uncrustables' contest.

I think I like 'GagMees'. Rolls off the tongue better.

tillerman said...

And a better description of this awful product too.

Carol Anne said...

I have always been deeply offended by products that make it easy for parents to give in to children's demands to be spoiled.

Before Uncrustables, there came bread that already had the crusts cut off, so Mommy wouldn't have to cut them of for her Precious Darling. Now, there are ready-made sandwiches without the crusts.

Oh, and of course, the so-called bread in both products is the gummy, plasticky stuff that goes by the misnomer of "white bread." It isn't bread, it's a thermosetting plastic material. Litoralis, being an engineering sort, can probably come up with a more accurate description of the stuff.

The thing is, while children might prefer this substance to real bread, it is not the parents' job to provide children with what they like. It's the parents' job to provide children with what is good for them. That includes real bread, with substance to it (and also not the brown-tinted thing that calls itself "wheat bread" -- almost all bread is wheat bread, and if you look at the ingredients list, you will find that the brown tint comes from "caramel color").

If the children don't want to eat real bread, that is no reason for parents to substitute fake bread. If the children don't want to eat the crusts (a problem that, as best as I can tell, only happens with fake bread), that is no reason for parents to remove the crusts or provide ready-made products without the crusts.

If children are to grow up healthy, they must eat healthfully. That means real bread, including the crusts.

tillerman said...

Right on Carol Anne. No mother should feed this muck to their kids even if they are J/24 sailors. Here is the ingredients list of the PB Uncrustable..

BREAD: ENRICHED UNBLEACHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, MALTED BARLEY FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID), WATER, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, YEAST, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL AND/OR SOYBEAN OIL, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: WHEAT GLUTEN, SALT, DOUGH CONDITIONERS (MAY CONTAIN ONE OR MORE OF: DIACETYL TARTARIC ACID ESTERS OF MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES [DATEM], MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, ETHOXYLATED MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, SODIUM STEAROYL LACTYLATE, CALCIUM PEROXIDE, ASCORBIC ACID, AZODICARBONAMIDE, L-CYSTEINE), YEAST NUTRIENTS (MAY CONTAIN ONE OR MORE OF: MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE, CALCIUM SULFATE, AMMONIUM SULFATE), CALCIUM PROPIONATE (MAINTAIN FRESHNESS), CORNSTARCH, ENZYMES (WITH WHEAT), GUAR GUM, XANTHAN GUM. PEANUT BUTTER: PEANUTS, DEXTROSE, SUGAR, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: PARTIALLY AND FULLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OILS (SOYBEAN AND/OR COTTONSEED AND/OR RAPESEED), SALT, MOLASSES, MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES (PALM AND/OR SOYBEAN OIL).

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