Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Problem With New England

The problem with New England (also known to Laser aficionados by the somewhat quaint name of "District 7") is that there are way too many Laser sailors here. District 7 has more Laser class members than any other Laser district in North America. And we are all crammed together into this tiny little region in the top right-hand corner of the country. Geeze, there are 17 individual US states bigger than New England.

All these huddled masses of Laser sailors packed together in this pocket handkerchief of a district means that there are a gazillion Laser fleets in New England and, Laser sailors being the generous, gregarious folk that we are, most of these Laser fleets feel the need to organize at least one annual regatta each year so that even more Laser sailors can mill around together on the same puddle for the weekend and have lotsa fun yotting with each other and drinking with each other and screaming, "Starboard!" and "No Room! Yes, you sir! No bloody room!" at each other.

As a result there is at least one Laser regatta almost every weekend throughout the (mercifully short) New England summer which creates enormous problems for all us Laser sailors who need to find excuses not to sail in all these damn regattas. I mean, just look at the following list of District 7 Laser regattas that I already know about...

May 1 - Peter Milnes Regatta - Newport, RI

May 15 - Cedar Point YC Spring Regatta - Westport, CT

May 21-22 - Wickford Regatta - Wickford RI

June 4 - Lake Mascoma Spring Regatta - Enfield, NH
June 5 - Lake Sunapee Regatta - Lake Sunapee, NH

June 18-19 - Atlantic Coast Masters - New Bedford, MA

June 25-26 - Championship of Buzzards Bay - New Bedford, MA

July 9-10 - Newport Regatta - Newport, RI

July 29-31 - Hyannis Regatta - Hyannis, MA

August 5-7 - Buzzards Bay Regatta - New Bedford, MA

August 13-14 - Mallets Bay Boat Club Regatta - Colchester, VT

August 27 - Niantic Bay Regatta - Niantic, CT

September 10-11 - Massapoag YC Annual Regatta - Sharon, MA

September 24-25 - New England Masters - Middletown, RI

And really it's much worse than that. I haven't even listed some regattas that fall on the same days as others on the list. And I know that last year there were a bunch of regattas in Maine, at least another one in New Hampshire, and innumerable ones dotted around Massachusetts that will probably all be held again this year. I just haven't been able to find them in The Google yet.

Even so there are hardly any free weekends in the (mercifully short) New England summer. When am I going to find the time to enter some running races, learn to kayak properly (which I promise myself I will do very year round about now) and play with my grandkids? Not to mention that some of my so-called friends in New Jersey have organized a grand-sounding Centennial Regatta on the Independence Day weekend and are trying to blackmail me into going to that too by claiming that the whole shebang was my idea. There goes another "free" weekend.

I need help dear readers. I need some creative excuses not to sail in some of these regattas otherwise I will never have any other fun in the (mercifully short) New England summer. Ideas please!

If you can't some up with some good ideas I might just have to move to Montana.

Or South Dakota.


JP said...

Alas you have received a legal restraining order from the American Association of Nursing Homes ordering you to cease and desist all activity that could "cheat the nursing home".

JP said...

The dog eat the sailing instructions (obviously)

Baydog said...

Montana may not be the place to hide.

Tillerman said...

I'll take my chances Baydog. According to this table, there are only 3 Laser class members in all of District 22 which includes Montana, Wyoming and Idaho. What's the chance of me ever seeing them?

But wait. Didn't I read somewhere that they've added Washington and Oregon to District 22? So now they'll be organizing their district regatta in the Gorge and there'll be no excuse for missing that. I guess it will just have to be South Dakota after all.

O Docker said...

Baydog, the yotting club in your link doesn't sound like Tillerman's kind of place, anyway.

The banner at the top of their home page - which is also at the top of all of their web pages - proudly proclaims they have been, since 1975, Montana's preimer sailing yacht club.

I don't know what a preimer yacht club is, and I suspect Tillerman doesn't either, so he'd probably be reluctant to join. It could be preimer is something that only wealthy people know about, as the initiation fee at this preimer club is $2500!

And, you have to convince two preimer members to sponsor you.

If there are only three Laser sailors out there, what are the odds that any of them are preimer sailors, too?

Doc Häagen-Dazs said...

Tillerman, I'm curious: which one of us has owned the Laser with the lowest sail number? I had 2104. Show me yours?

tillerman said...

You beat me there. I didn't start sailing Lasers until they were almost into 6 digit sailing numbers. Somewhere I have a photo of me in 93933. I will post it if I can find it.

Baydog said...

O Docker, I never caught the typo or the expensive initiation fee. When Tillerman mentioned Montana, I immediately knew there was sailing out there because my uncle Skip sails there. But alas, they spelled his name wrong as well!

tillerman said...

I saw that reference to Skip. Small world, eh?

I'm surprised none of you nitpickers spotted the other reference to this club being the "premiere" sailing venue in Montana? Does that mean it's where sailors make their first public appearance? Maybe it does. Maybe it's the only club in Montana to hold your premiere?

Doc Häagen-Dazs said...

I didn't think they sailed anything in Montana other than Frisbees.

Pat said...

Surely they also sail cowchips....

(Now if that doesn't get a response, what will?)

Doc Häagen-Dazs said...

{This comment was deleted by author.}

Tillerman said...

Are cowchips the same thing as steak fries?

Doc Häagen-Dazs said...

{This comment was deleted by author.}

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