Tilly's Forester Frolics

My daughter-in-law is a very lucky woman. And not only because she is the mother of the two cutest and smartest grandchildren in the world.

She is also lucky in the sense that she wins things. Last year she won an all-expenses-paid trip to LA for her and her husband to be in the audience for the recording of one of those daytime TV talk shows. Of course, I never watch such shows myself. This particular show was hosted by a lady whose name is Helen the Generous. I think she is called Helen the Generous because sometimes she gives away cars to people in her audience. Anyway, a lot of girls like her.

Then, in some way connected with winning the trip to see the Helen the Generous Show, the TV people asked my daughter-in-law if she would like to appear in some TV commercials for a car. Next thing I knew they had given her a lease on a brand new car in exchange for making a few commercials and writing a blog. And not just any car. It's made by that famous American car company that we all own now, thanks to Mr.G.W.Bush and Mr.B.H.Obama, and it is what they call a "crossover" which (I think) means that it's a cross between a small school bus and a portable movie theater. It's huge.

Wait a minute. Write a blog? I thought I was the blogger in the family. How did she snag a sweet deal like that? She now has a new car with twin gauge clusters trimmed with chrome accents, rear parking sensor, rear view camera, power lift-gate, remote start, heated and cooled front seats, navigation system, DVD entertainment system, and best-in-class cargo space! Hey, I would write a blog for a car that only has twin gauge clusters trimmed with chrome accents (if I knew what the hell they are.)

My DIL's blog is one of those Mommy Blogs which features the happenings of everyday family life as the Mommy of the two cutest grandchildren in the world... and which also mentions, in passing, how much fun they are having in their new car with twin gauge clusters trimmed with chrome accents, etc. etc. etc.

She's very good at it. I'm very happy for her.

But I could do that. I could blog about my Laser towing machine, my little 5-year-old Forester Subaru. I even have a perfect name for the blog...

Tilly's Forester Frolics.

Maybe if I did it well enough, Mr. Subaru would give me a brand new Forester to play with?



For example, if I were a TV celebrity blogger endorser like my DIL, I would have written about my trip over to Bristol to go sailing on Wednesday something like this...

Forester Subaru - Chick Magnet

On Wednesday I threw all my sailing gear into the back of my Subaru Forester with impressive maximum cargo capacity. As I drove over Mount Hope Bridge I was grateful for the pulling power of the naturally aspirated horizontally opposed four-cylinder engine. And as I cruised down Hope Street I enjoyed listening to the sailing songs that Adam sent me on the 6-disc in-dash CD sound system.

I pulled into the parking lot at Independence Park and started unpacking the boat. As I did so, a woman in a Honda drew up next to me, wound down her window and asked, "Is that a Forester?"

"Sure is," I answered. "Did you know that it has a viscous limited-slip differential, side-impact air bags, and a powered moon-roof?"

I could see by the sparkle in her eyes that I had made an impression. "Wow!" she said. "I am thinking of buying one. How do you like it?"

I looked at her more closely. Somewhat younger than me. Not unattractive. Something about her clothes suggested that she might even be a yachtie.

"I love it," I answered. "The newer models have redesigned independent double wishbone rear suspension and in-dash, touch-screen satellite navigation systems. But I expect you knew that already."

Her eyes lit up even more and she gave me a big smile. I know this script. If I were single, this is when I would have offered to take her for a drive in my Subaru and impressed her with my low center of gravity and computer controlled, continuously variable, multi-plate transfer clutch.

But I am very happily married so I resisted the temptation and carried on preparing my boat for sailing. She put out a deck chair and sat in the sun and watched me. Was she attracted to me, my boat... or my car? Who knows?

I rigged my Laser. I changed into my sailing clothes. She continued to watch me. As I wheeled the Laser down the beach to launch it, my admirer gave me a friendly wave and wished me well. I'm pretty sure now that it was the car she was ogling, not me or my boat. After all, what woman could resist the Forester's leather-wrapped steering wheel and shift knob?

What do you think? Can I score a new car with a blog like this?

Mr. Subaru, if you are reading this, let's do lunch. Have your people tweet my people.