Sunday, January 23, 2011

Para Sailin'

This post is not about para sailing.

It's about a certain person who seems to be all over the media - TV, radio, print, Internet - in America these days. You just can't get away from her.

She used to be the governor of one of those minor US states. The one that's attached to the top left-hand corner of Canada. The one with lots of reindeer and hardly any people. But, after a couple of years, whatshername got tired of actually governing all those reindeer and quit to become a TV and Internet personality. Or something.

Back in 2008 she ran in some election for a job in Washington which, as far as I can tell, would have involved her waiting around for some 72-year-old cancer survivor to kick the bucket so she could take over the job of being leader of the Western world. Amazingly, the American people said thanks, but no thanks, to whatshername and her 72-year-old BFF, and instead chose a couple of those intellectual elite types just because they were better at answering tricky questions from the lamestream media like, "What newspapers do you read?"

So now she is a TV and Internet personality. Most Americans feel strongly about her, for or against. She has a talent for using words that stir up trouble and attract attention. Attention to her. Which apparently is her main objective.

Everyone who makes a living talking about politics on the web or on TV in America seems to be fascinated by whatshername. They are like moths attracted to a flame. They can't resist talking about whatshername. The reason is that the more they talk about whatshername the more clicks and viewers they attract.

But America is suffering from Whatshername Overload. And the pundits (or pundints as whatshername would say) are finally getting wise to the problem. People are making resolutions not to mention whatshername. There's even a grassroots movement among the lamestream media pundints to declare February a whatshername-free month.

But what can we ordinary folk from real America do? How can we play our part in whatshername-free month?

Well, the best suggestion I have heard is that whenever someone brings up the name S---- P---- in conversation you should immediately launch into a monologue about how exciting it is to be towed behind a fast motor boat while suspended from a parachute, and how much fun you had doing it last time your were in St. Barts, Sint Maarten, Saint-Tropez (or wherever you favorite Saint Somewhere is), and how you really must try it darling, and so on, and so on...

After about five minutes you should pause for breath and look at all the puzzled faces and say, "Oh! Did you say Sarah Palin? I thought you said Para Sailing."

Oh shit!

I mentioned her name.

And I was trying so hard not to.



Buff Staysail said...

Hey! Careful what you say about good ol' Sarah. Big fan don't you know!!

So is it true that that's our Sarah up there on that para sail thing? 'strewth, is there nothing she can't do??

Unknown said...

I think I am going to vote for her!!! based on the rule of jbushkey. "The fastest way to get something half broken fixed is to break it all the way."

SP seems like a surefire choice for some major governmental reforms after 4 years in charge.

Andrew said...

Is this a political blog? I thought it was about sailing. Let me point out that sailing brings us together; that's one of the wonderful things about our sport. Politics divides us. For instance, though I don't like to listen to SP, I do agree with a lot of what she says. You don't. Shall we argue about that. Or shall we argue about whether it would be better for the builder to provide decent sails for Lasers.

I know which I'd prefer.

Tillerman said...

No Buff, that isn't Sister Sarah up on the parasail thing. If that is your particular fantasy you can find it here.

Tillerman said...

Andrew, a while back I asked my readers to vote on what this blog should be about. There was a strong majority for the proposition that Tillerman should not just write about sailing but about "whatever the hell he likes." So that's what I do now.

However, in general I do try and steer away from politics for the reasons you say. Thanks for the feedback, and I will try to be a good boy in future.

Anyway. Who said this post is about politics? It's about Para Sailin'.

Baydog said...

Having been born in February, I've always wished that it could be "Pronounce February Correctly" month. So many people seem to forget about the first "r".

arnold the cockroach said...

sorry we cockroaches don t have tv sets and very limited internet access

so i don t know who this sarah person is

it sounds like she is someone who gets paid to do funny things

so she must be some sort of clown

i have also heard that she is good at putting her feet in her mouth

which must be very hard to do with those big shoes that clowns wear

i think there is a place in the world for clowns

if more people get to see sarah doing funny things won t they start to appreciate just what a good clown she is


Buff Staysail said...

Cheers, Tillerman, ace pic that!

Tillerman said...

Arnold, you are absolutely right. Para Sailin gets paid to do all sorts of fun things. In fact Para Sailin made a TV reality series showing all the fun things that she and her family do in that state up in the top left hand corner.

Episode 1. Salmon fishing
Episode 2. Halibut fishing
Episode 3. Salmon fishing (again)
Episode 4. Reindeer hunting
Episode 5. Camping
Episode 6. ATVing
Episode 7. Logging
Episode 8. Gold digging

Para Sailin is very good at all of these fun things, especially the last one.

Baydog said...


Joe said...

Who are you guys talking about? I'm so isolated here in the backwoods of California. To remedy my lack of knowledge, I did a Google search (sorry Bing, you suck).

About 24,000,000 results (0.19 seconds). All that on someone who was a mayor of a 5,469! Holy cow!

Then she went on to be the Chief Executive of an entity with a population of 710,231. There are more people in San Francisco! Double holy cow!!

Finally, she ran unsuccessfully for the Vice Presidency. Who was Barry Golwater's running mate? How about Dukakis'? Triple holy cow!!! We're out!

para sailin said...

Hey Joe. (You don't mind if I call you Joe do you?) Do you remember who was the losing VP candidate on the Democratic ticket in 1920? Some liberal elite type called Franklin Roosevelt! Do you know where he ended up Joe?

You betcha.

Joe said...

Did he have s show on TV..the radio? Did any his of kids appear on Big Band radio shows? Did he cash in by writing popular works of fiction?

February...I remembered the r.

Tillerman said...

Sadly no Joe. Mr. Roosevelt missed out on the opportunity to capitalize on his failed vice-presidential run by becoming a darling of Big Band radio shows or by appearing in comic books. Who knows how big he might have been if he had chosen that route?

Instead, about a year after the election he contracted an illness diagnosed at the time as polio, which resulted in permanent paralysis from the waist down. He then founded a hydrotherapy center for treatment of patients with similar afflictions.

If he had only known!

Baydog said...

Thanks Joe. Do you mind if I call you Joe, too?

There are two r's in February.

I think I will now retire to bed.

Tillerman said...

There's only one 'n' in pundit.

Baydog said...

And there's one P in pool, but it's silent.

O Docker said...

Speaking of losing candidates, does anyone remember what happened to the guy who lost to JFK?

Those who forget history may as well go out and get drunk. Either way, you're going to wake up with one hell of a headache.

Tillerman said...

The guy who lost to JFK had already served in the House and the Senate and had been VP for 8 years, as I recall. He came back and won the presidency 8 years later. If history repeats itself then... ummm ... John McCain (aged 80) will be become President of the United States in 2017. Yikes.

A lot of VPs eventually made it to president of course. But I think I am right in saying that FDR is the only person who lost an election as a candidate for VP but who eventually went on to become president.

For some reason I find that fact surprising. I would have thought it would be more common. But right now I take some solace in that trend.

Pandabonium said...

I killed my TV years ago and haven't had much nonsense interfering with my enjoyment of life ever since. After all, on the internet tubes, I get to read what I chose to read - sort of like a good old fashioned print newspaper.

My "kill the TV" plan was working well, until you brought "it" up.

So, please, rather than ask the impossible - that corporate Amerika broadcast sensible programming - and in the process remind me of the kinds of nonsense I am trying to avoid, take charge of your own media world: Kill Your TV.

Sam Chapin said...

I went Laser racing over the weekend and all this happened while I was gone.

O Docker said...

I guess my point (for once, I had a point) was that ousted politicians never die, they just get new funding.

Of course, with campaign funding disclosure laws being what they are today, the best way to run for office would be to somehow not be a candidate while you were actually running for office.

And that would also circumvent those pesky rules about networks having to give your opponent equal air time.

Hey, wait a minute...

Tillerman said...

I guess my point (for once, I had a point) was that failed VP candidates almost always fade away. Except for the one that became President. And the other one that became Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

But they were both Republicans.

Oh shit. She's not aiming to be Chief Justice is she?

PeconicPuffin said...

Para Sailin'...brilliant.

If you'd like a window into Para's life back when she had a real job, check out this dramatic reading of a transcript of a Wasilla town meeting.

Baydog said...

I predict that the next post will veer away from politics and resume talking about sailing. Phew!

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