Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Regatta With Your Name On It

One afternoon this week I wandered into the TV room at the Tillercottage to see what Tillerwoman was watching. There was a vaguely familiar looking, somewhat overweight, middle-aged woman on the screen, standing with a crowd of people somewhere sunny. She was highly emotional, misty-eyed and in between sobs was saying something like...

I had a moment when the sails went up... gulp... I am a girl who couldn't find my name on a key chain or a lunch box... sniff sniff... if only I knew that God was saying... sob... "Baby, you don't have to worry about no lunch box.... there's a regatta in Sydney with your name on a sailboat," ... sob sob... so I say to you, "Wherever you are in your life, wherever you come from in your life... gulp... there's a regatta somewhere with your name on it!"


And then I realized what this was all about. The sobbing lady was the famous American TV personality Oprah Winfrey who is famous for... umm... being Oprah Winfrey I guess. She was recently given 2.3 million bucks by the Australian Tourist Board so that she could pretend to be extremely generous and take 300 viewers of her TV show on an all-expenses-paid trip from the US to Australia where they would make some tourism commercials for Australia which would pretend to be episodes of the Oprah Winfrey show starring the famous Oprah Winfrey.

You have to understand that as well as being famous for pretending to be generously giving away gifts paid for by her sponsors, the famous Oprah Winfrey is also famous for inspiring her (mainly female) TV viewers to "live your best life"(i.e. be more like the famous Oprah Winfrey) as part of her global mission to "evolve the consciousness of people everywhere." Yes, she really does talk like that.

I had just stumbled into the middle of the tourism commercial/ Oprah show episode about Sydney, which apparently had included a sail on Sydney Harbour for Oprah and friends in a bunch of yachts with Oprah's name on all the sails. Hence the sob-talk about "a regatta with your name on it."

Well sure, if you are one of the richest women in America and you have just made a deal to promote a whole freaking country then I imagine it's merely a minor detail to include a clause in the contract that says you have to have your name on a dozen sails (if you are so egocentric that that's important to you.) For the average Jane Doe watching the show the message that somewhere God is planning a regatta with her name on it is.... ..... well, words fail me. I guess she didn't mean it literally? Or did she?

But look on the bright side. There was some sailing involved. And I would guess that the global
TV audience for this little "regatta" on Sydney Harbour probably exceeded the global TV audience for sailing at the last Olympics and America's Cup combined.

There's a message there somewhere.

Russell Coutts are you listening?


O Docker said...

Wow, I've just discovered something about my brain I never knew before.

I have this, like, Oprah blind spot. I seem completely incapable of understanding anything about Oprah. At first, I thought it was this post. I went back and re-read it three times and I still have no idea what it's about.

Which is strange, because I always understand your posts - usually by the second reading.

But then I thought about it and realized Oprah is one of the richest people in this country and I have absolutely no idea why. I don't know anything about her or what she does or why she cries so much.

She's got her own TV show, her own magazine, and doesn't she own one of those big, squarish states in the midwest, somewhere?

Thanks so much for pointing out this condition to me.

I wonder if there's a name for it.



Do you think I should see a doctor about it?

Tillerman said...

O Docker, relax. I'm pretty sure that 99% of American males suffer from Oprahrexia (and the other 1% are lying.)

I don't get it either. But then there's a lot of things about women that I don't understand...

Stay strong brother. Somewhere God is planning a regatta with your name on it.

Baydog said...

Helen the Generous has got her work cut out for her.

Lisa said...


Normally you have to pay, a lot of money, to advertise your name on the sail. In this case, it is the other way around. I've heard they say Oprah is a religion.

Mojo said...

Fear not O Docker, "medical" help with the Oprah situation is readily available to you at Doc

he understands her business model...

... and at no cost (that is, if you can accept the 100% opportunity cost of the time wasted)

Tillerman - I realize this is very dangerous territory, but Tillerwoman might benefit as well from a constructive suggestion regarding the aforesaid opportunity cost.

Tillerman said...

Thanks for the advice Mojo, but Tillerwoman has not yet succumbed to the Oprah cult. I think she was only watching that particular show because she was born in Australia and is a huge fan of the country (as am I.)

Mojo said...

Pardon my careless presumption, Tillerman. What was I thinking?

A clear case of form (love of Country) over substance (umm... ok, maybe there wasn't any)

Joe said...

Who's Oprah?

Oprah said...

Who is Joe Rouse?

Turinas said...

Somewhere there's a guy called Larry Ellison wishing there was a luncbox with his name on it

EscapeVelocity said...

I saw a boat with my name on it once (first and middle).

Tillerman said...

I saw a cracked bell in Philadelphia with my name on it once. It didn't make me cry though.

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