Saturday, May 23, 2009

Seven Things That Would Make Joe Rouse's Blog Even Better

This contribution to our Lists group writing project is supposedly from the mysterious O Docker, a legendary leaver of comments all over the sailing blogosphere. But who is O Docker? Does he actually exist or is he really Edward Superblogger's sock puppet? Or perhaps he is Joe Rouse's PR man? Can anyone solve the riddle of O Docker's true identity?

Joe Rouse certainly produces one of the finest blogs in all of sailing blogdom. Like any other red-blooded American male, I enjoy looking at all the fine photos he posts of fish.

But this is America, darn it, and we should always be striving to improve. With just a little more effort, Joe could take it over the top and absolutely dominate the world of sailing blogs. Here are seven ways he could do it.

1) More fish videos. Sure, the surfing and wipeout videos are great, but when it comes to fish, all we get are still images. Fish move, too, Joe, in ways that some of us find hypnotic. Work a fishing pole in, if you can. I'd love to see some of your fish dancing with a pole.

2) More marine business analysis. Face it, Joe, what sailor isn't curious about quarterly earnings reports from the major marine manufacturers like Beneteau and Hunter? Spice that up with timely sidebars on market capitalization, and you've got a surefire winner.

3) More posts on knitting and macrame. OK, OK, surfing, wipeouts, extreme sailing, monster waves, and, of course, fish, are what most sailors want to see, but Joe you live where it's warm - you're on the water year round. Don't you realize some sailors are freezing their butts off all winter? A few posts on knocking out a comfy sweater, knit watchcap, or even a nice tea cozy would give your blog more universal appeal. Knit one, purl two.

4) More existential philosophy. All sailing and no ontology makes Joe a dull boy. Wake up, man! Many front line sailing blogs regularly consider fundamental questions posed by Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, and other intellectual heavy hitters. Alright, admittedly this is a tough one to balance with pictures of fish. If you Kant, you Kant.

5) More Force Five coverage. Joe, baby, is the Force really with you? There's that technicolor logo, alright, but, like, that's it. Where's the coverage of the Force Five Nationals, The Force Five Brats and Beer Summer Wingding, the Force Five Round the Buoys Poker Run? See, I have no idea what Force Fives do. If we don't get this from you, Joe, who we gonna call? Some guy in Rhode Island claims the Force Five is a mythical boat that doesn't exist, like the Pequod or Bigfoot. Say it ain't so, Joe.

6) More posts about Britney Spears. Joe, blogging is all about numbers. A few posts about Britney every month and your hits would be off the charts! On Twitter, a gazillion people follow Obama's tweets, but two gazillion follow Britney. Nuff said. Photoshop her onto a Force Five and your traffic will be up there with Huffington.

7) And last, but not least, explain, once and for all, who is Bunty and where the heck is Gozo?


pole dancer said...

Bunty writes a blog about windsurfing and rents farmhouses on Gozo.

Gozo is an island in the Med near Malta.

The real mystery is why Joe Rouse is so obsessed with Bunty and Gozo.

Joe Rouse said...

If you knew Bunty then you would know why. Go Gozo!

P.S. Thanks for all of the nifty ideas. I can see it now, Macrame on Monday. Good stuff!

Rennmaus said...

Gozo (and the lager sister island Malta) is one of the most beautiful spots in the world. Simply lovely. Everyone who is obsessed with that archipelago has my full understanding and sympathy.

O Docker said...

OK, I actually did know where Gozo is, in a vague kinda way, but had no idea it was such an island paradise. Maybe I should start a blog - you learn so much that way.

And apologies to Bunty, too. I'm not into surfing, so don't follow many surfing blogs. I don't know what it is about Joe's blog that keeps drawing me back.

ralph waldo emerson said...

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant."

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