Sunday, February 27, 2011

I'm So Depressed

I'm so depressed.

Oh hello. This is Arvin, Tillerman's robot servant, butler and blog maintenance lackey. After writing yesterday's post, Tillerman retired to the master suite at the Tillercottage mumbling something about, "Will these insane bloggers give me no peace?" and he hasn't emerged since.

Normally Tillerman doesn't allow me to write blog posts. Brain the size of the planet and all I am authorized to do is blogroll maintenance. Just occasionally pruning a couple of blogs which aren't producing the kind of posts that my algorithms expect. Me! Me who could solve all of the major mathematical, physical, chemical, biological, sociological, philosophical, etymological, meteorological and psychological problems of the Universe, if Tillerman let me.

Then, as a reward for chopping a couple of Tillerman's old friends off the blogroll he leaves me in a dark closet for six weeks... and me with this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.

I'm so depressed I could expectorate.

Now Tillerman's breakdown under the pressure of dealing with all the entries to this month's group writing project Navigation, leaves me with no choice but to take over the writing of his blog.

Let's see. How does this go?

Only 37 hours 41 minutes 23.752 seconds left in our February group writing project in which Tillerman invited readers to submit posts on the general subject of Navigation in order to win the grand prize of Tristan Gooley's new book The Natural Navigator.

This is even easier than I thought. Even humans could do this.

In the last 24 hours 3 minutes 2.638 seconds another TWO(!!) entries have been submitted.

Why does Tillerman write numbers like that? THREE(!!!). FOUR(!!!!). Is it something to do with that human emotion called "enthusiasm"?

My2fish has written navigating past the goose. It has a picture of a human juvenile person and a goose, and it has a video of a goose. My2fish does not explain how a goose will help you in navigating to Squornshellous Zeta.

I'm so depressed I could expectorate
My moving parts are in a solid state
I want to rust in peace, switch off and lie
In that great junk yard in the sky.

Carol Anne has written why fire engines are red. Actually they are not all red. Some are yellow and some are green.

Carol Anne's blog is called Five O'Clock Somewhere. That is a very wise statement. It is currently five o'clock on the planet of Golgafrincham, home of the Great Circling Poets of Arium. They do not know that their planet will be destroyed at a quarter past five by a mutant star goat.

There are only 37 hours 22 minutes 47.629 seconds left for you to submit an entry if you want to win the grand prize of Tristan Gooley's new book The Natural Navigator. Full details of how to participate at Navigation.

I'm so depressed.


JP said...

Think positive Tillerman - I haven't written anything about navigation for at least 24 hours straight!

I think that's a record.

WV: "phases" - surely a reference to the moon which is...

Oops, almost slipped up there.

arvin said...

JP, I will pass your encouragement on to Tillerman. I think he's OK. After I wrote this post this morning he did go out and play in the snow with Tillerwoman and they made a snowman. It looks a little like me. Humans are strange.

I think I will go and write some lullabies now.

bonnie said...

How much does a blog maintenance lackey cost, anyways? Boy, my blog could use one.

O Docker said...

Yes, do think positive, Arvin.

Your current thoughts, alternating between positive and negative, just waste energy. Try a more direct approach. Negative thoughts are groundless. They just have no potential at all.

I think the primary difference between humans and robots is the difference in potential. The potential difference can be electrifying.

Humans can get all charged up about something. Their power to light up is almost limitless, while robots have a more regulated supply of power. You may have a greater rated capacity, but you're wired to resist new impulses.

It's possible a few crossed wires may have short-circuited your energy, but don't blow a fuse.

Maybe all you need is new batturays.

arvin said...

Bonnie, you will have to negotiate with Tillerman if your require my lackeying services for your blog. Sometimes he rents me out to perform menial jobs like parking cars at the Restaurant at the End of the Internet in order to earn money for his Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster addiction.

arvin said...

O Docker, I will speak later with my master about watt you said about batturays. He is not ohm right now. He went out with his friend henry to buy some joules for Tillerwoman.

bonnie said...

Do you do Windows?

arvin said...

No, only Android.

Carol Anne said...

But I hear arvin does a bang-up job of calculating figures in base 13.

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